Uniting With Christ

Lately, I have been unable to sleep very well. I lay in bed for hours, a million things on my mind, keeping me awake. Or so I thought. It dawned on me that God may be trying to get my attention and I just ignored it. I think I will need to back up and explain a little bit more.

I went to a Healing Mass just a couple of weeks ago and when the Priest began praying over me, he told me some very specific things about my life, thoughts and feelings. He talked about my loneliness and pain, how I was hurt at a very young age (just an emotional wound), and how I want to be loved for my mind and heart and not my physical beauty, among many other things.

Some of the loneliness comes from desiring married life and realizing that, at the age of 27, I'm not getting any younger (haha). It's painful, you know? Have any of you ever felt this way? You desire a spouse to love and children to raise so much that it physically hurts? I'm not bringing this up so that you can pity me... No. My purpose is to share with you what I have learned through that pain.

More and more I have felt the need to offer up all my suffering for those I love and those who don't know the secret to my strength to endure this pain and carry on. But I haven't been very diligent (working on it...) and I haven't been certain of that being the end of what I am to do. This morning I got my answer.

Because of the Healing Mass a couple of weeks back, my parents now know of my struggles and they pray and worry (hopefully they pray more than they worry). Well, I spent the last two nights at my parents' house for Thanksgiving and this morning as I was getting ready to leave for work, my father approached me. He told me that he prays for me and that he felt like God was saying that what He wants is for me to unite my suffering with the Passion of our Blessed Savior.

Ouch. Ok... it's not like I don't want to do this, but I know it is going to be an extremely painful and difficult battle. The Lord gives me strength even though my flesh is weak. I ask for your prayers and I want all of my readers to know that you will be in my prayers too. God Bless you all.

Let us pray:

Passion of Christ, Strengthen Me

Passion of Christ, strengthen me! Strengthen me under the pressure of temptation. Strengthen me when principle is at stake. Strengthen me to do Your Will, My God. Strengthen me in moments of suffering, in times of loneliness, in periods of depression. Strengthen me that I may never swerve from You, dear Christ, nor weaken through human respect, through a desire to be popular, through hope of social distinction. Strengthen me to accept my cross and carry it generously to the end. On the battlefield of life, stand by me that I may never prove a traitor in the ranks. Stand by me that I may not be dazzled by the glitter and glow of the enemy camp.
Amen.

The Road Less Traveled

You know the saying, "With great power comes great responsibility"? I think it comes from Luke 12:48 - "So then, of all to whom much has been given, much will be required. And of those to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be asked."

I was pondering this very idea as I attempted to have a nice, quiet evening, just reading a good book. But my mind would not have it. Too many thoughts were vying for my attention.

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at myself. I wondered what I would look like when I'm not so young anymore, when gray overtakes my chocolate curls, and wrinkles replace my smooth skin. Will I have a furrowed brow from worry and distress? I know this all sounds random, but it is relevant, I promise."...of all to whom much has been given, much will be required". I know that I have been called to a life that is more than normal. Sometimes I wish I could live a 'normal' life. But I think that with all the responsibility I wouldn't have to have, I would miss the abundant blessings God wants to bestow upon me for continually striving to walk with Him.

It is a hard road. One wrought with pain, loneliness, suffering, heavy burdens, stress, the weight of the world, sometimes hopelessness. However, I believe that because I feel these things, I also feel the opposites with much more vibrancy. I feel the love of good family and friends, hope, joy, passion, victory, and healing.

I look at the people around me, many refusing to walk this road because it is 'uncool' or believing in God is dumb, it's for losers who have nothing better to do with their lives. This road is a challenge, it is not for the weak of heart. Belief in a seemingly intangible God is asking more than most people can imagine. But when He becomes real, you won't have to imagine. You will discover that God is already living in you, He's just waiting for an invitation to be a part of your life.

I wonder if, because I walk this road, I will have more stress lines and gray hairs than the average person. It will all be worth it in the end.

Nothing..... but Love

Right now I am in a study group that is going through JPII's "Man and Woman He Created Them: A Theology of the Body". During our last study group, we discussed the concept of God creating man. The following was what we found:

As many of you know, 1 Cor. 13 is known as the Love Chapter. You know: "Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous..." But often we skip the first part of that chapter, verses 1-3. Take a moment to read those verses now before continuing to read.

Did you read the part about how we are nothing if we do not have love? More importantly, did you understand it?

The reason we must have love is because that is how we were created. God didn't take a bunch of stuff, threw it in a pot, stirred every 2 minutes until done, and then called it "Man". What He did do is take a bunch of dust to give us form, but we could not exist merely through dust (which really is nothing on it's own, if you think about it). We were created, given life, with nothing that we can fathom. Now by definition, giving cannot refer to nothing. Giving must define the giver (God), the receiver (us), and the relation established between them (we are created and loved by God and in return, love Him back).

Does it make a little bit of sense now? If we have love in our hearts, it shines through because that is what we are made of. People can see God in us if we love, it is the gift. Did you know that we are the only ones granted this gift? "Man" (humans) is the only species on the planet that can love and be loved. Isn't that incredible and amazing?!

Today, instead of grumbling and complaining, LOVE somebody. This world is crying out for love, even me, even you. It's not easy to love always, but it's so incredibly worth it.

Love isn't love until you give it away.

A Forgiving Heart

Lately, I have realized that I have been going to confession more frequently. Usually once a week but sometimes twice in one week. The more I go, the more I realize I have to confess. There is a war going on right now for my soul. Each time I give in to sin, that is one battle lost. Each time I overcome a sin, it is a battle won.

One of the things I struggle with very often is forgiveness. Don't worry, it's no secret I keep just in the confession booth, a few friends and family members know this as well. I used to believe that to forgive someone, meant I had to love them. The thing is, I have it all backwards. Forgiveness is a gift I give to myself. By forgiving, I receive the grace to love that person.

But, it doesn't mean I have to like them. I am not required to like the man who hurt me, the friend who betrayed me, nor the stranger who whispers rumors about me in the halls. Nor I am required or expected to forget, the memories of pain do fade with time but may never be forgotten. I am, however, required to treat each person as Christ would, with kindness. It's a difficult lesson to learn and a trial to put into practice. Especially when a person has hurt you deeply with physical, verbal, or sexual abuse. In fact, the loving thing for any person who is being abused in any manner, is to leave. God wants us to love and take care of ourselves too, however not to the point where we become vain, for that is a sin. By staying in an abusive relationship, people hurt themselves and unfortunately do not love themselves either.

Forgiving is letting go so that I (or you) can move forward in life and grow in relationship with Jesus Christ, our Redeemer. Guess what? I'm afraid to do that because I don't want, ever again, to like the people who have hurt me at any point in my life. And I most certainly don't feel like being nice to them. It is totally normal for a person to feel this way. Nevertheless, it is not good for our souls. If we hold on to that pain which has been inflicted upon us, it hurts us more than the other person. The only way to hurt less is to let go.

Honestly, this isn't easy for me. I think that somewhere, deep down inside, I feel that I can punish the person for hurting me by holding onto the pain. Silly me. I have to try to forgive others daily until I feel that I have finally let go of the pain they caused, and sometimes it comes back, so I have to try to forgive again. That can take a few days, months, or even years. Yet, with all this struggle to forgive, comes healing. The grace that covers me because I choose to forgive, helps me to love.

So, how does one forgive? Prayer and a conscious effort to let go. I found the following prayer both at Catholic.org and faithfulcatholicfriends.org

To Forgive: Prayer for the Strength to Forgive

Faultless Lord, enduring death for me,
You have consummated the debt of my sins:
Your sacrifice of forgiveness was absolute!
Grant me the strength to also forgive others,
To excuse their transgressions against me.
So I may truly reflect this spiritual fruit,
Obliterate any persistent feelings of malice.
Let each trespass end as a closing chapter,
My continuing on the road of righteousness.
Forgive my sins as I aspire to forgive others.
You are truly archetypical of forgiveness.
You are a most forgiving Lord

Amen

Romancing My Soul

Have you ever allowed God to romance you?

This isn't just for girls, but guys are usually romanced by God in a different way. So please keep in mind that this is from a woman's perspective.

Let me tell you, allowing God to romance you takes a lot of time and effort, just like any other relationship. It also requires trust. I am by no means perfect. I fail every day. But since my last blog, in which I wrote about my discovery of my true self, I have had the burning desire to not be the selfish me that I have been. I now desire, more than anything, to be Holy and humble.

He tries to reach out to us when we are hurting, happy, sad, angry, rejoicing, broken, scared, and all the in between moments. In those moments, if we let Him be our Savior, He will bless us. Maybe not in the way we expected, or even wanted, but it will be something greater, if we let Him. And He may also use those moments to romance you. You know that saying "Stop and smell the roses"? Well, when God romances you, He wants to you to stop, even for but a moment to glory in that thing, whether great or small, that He did, just for YOU.

He speaks to me
in a whisper,
Romancing my Soul
like no other.
In Him, I have peace
when I trust in His love
He guides me with strength;
He is my warrior.
Gentle is His touch,
deep is His love
He pursues me with vigor,
and relentless love.
Never will He let me go
and forever
will He romance my Soul.
by Elizabeth Dorthalina

Letting Go

It's tough, I know. Searching your Soul for the things which stain it, causing it to rot and ruin your life, is painful. And giving those things to God, willingly, is even more painful.

I'm sitting here, only two days into the painful process of searching my unconscious for things which prevent me from moving forward. I am realizing just how difficult I've made it to trust God in my life. I put up barriers and walls, all the while thinking that I am trying my hardest to surrender my life "fully". It's prevented me from having the kind of relationships I want with my parents, siblings, friends, and even men whom I have considered for marriage.

I'm listening to a song on the radio and the lyrics are "If you gotta start somewhere, why not here? If you gotta start sometime, why not now? If we gotta start somewhere, I say here. If we gotta start sometime, I say now." (City On Our Knees - Toby Mac)

I agree, why not here and now? My prayer is that, those of you who read the following will be challenged to go beyond your comfort zones so that you may serve God fully as I know I will be capable of once I walk through the fire.

The walls which hold me prisoner in the subconsciousness of my mind, were revealed to me only two days ago. When I realized it was the truth about my life, I was devastated. How can I fully serve the Lord in this state of mind? I cannot. I must do something about it. What I need is healing. This unforgiving heart has held me back for far too long, most of my life that I remember. I am beginning the process on my own until I find someone like a priest who councils people with similar situations. So, yesterday I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament and began to pray.

Our prayers must always begin with praise; glorifying the God who gave us life. Then we must consciously choose to give the life He gave us, back to Him as gift. This is hard. Sometimes it requires giving God the things we don't want Him to see, even the things we don't want to see in ourselves. We must lay down our pride, our desires, our demise. We have to be ready now to see it God's way, as Jeremy Camp sings in "Lay Down My Pride". We have to stop being selfish and humble ourselves at the feet of the God who saves. It feels like purging the body of all the blackness within and it is physically painful.

With tears streaming down my face, I cried out to God, struggling to make myself a gift to Him.

Ok, this is definitely the night of "songs which speak to Elizabeth." There's a song by Hawk Nelson called "Let's Dance". It says, "I don't want to look inside myself cuz then I'll have to change something else. No, I don't want to live like someone else, I'm happy in my skin, me and myself, let's dance." This song expresses perfectly, the struggle I, and many others, go through every day. I don't want to look inside because I fear having to change and I'm comfortable with this "me and myself dance".

So I choose to give God all this within me, all that is under the surface and I could not see for myself until someone else opened my eyes. It's going to take time, effort, sweat and tears. It is painful, but I want more. I need to feel that pain, so I know I am not numb or dead. The pain is purifying fire. I want to give more of myself to God so that He may heal me. He is my Hero who will save me from myself if I choose to let Him. Let us pray:

Dear Lord,
Thank You for being my Savior and God,
Thank You for setting me free from these chains
With this freedom, I choose to serve You
It is for Your glory and not my own.
This will be a great struggle
But I know You are with me each step of the way
Thank You for not letting me go during this time
As I walk through the purifying fires
Thank You Father, for Your unconditional love and forgiveness
And help me Daddy, to be more like You.
Because I want to be Holy, just like You.
Amen.

So Much Evil in the World

So often I hear people ask the question, "How can there be a God?" or "How could He care about us since there are so many bad things in this world?"

With the way the world is going, I'm not surprised in the least that people ask these questions, but oh... how my heart breaks when I hear those words! I'm sure many of you have had that very question asked of you or maybe, you are the one asking the question. Where do you go for answers? It seems that every where one turns, someone has their "own" solution: "What is good for you may not be good for me. What you believe is good for you is your truth."

There's a song I hear on the radio quite frequently called, "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath. It is an incredible song in which the Heath cries out to our Maker to reveal to him the brokenness of the world and a call to reach out with His love for all of mankind. This kind of love takes great sacrifice because it requires us to step out of our comfort zone and be selfless. Now, before I get too far ahead of myself, we must search out the heart of the problem. How did we get here? Why does it seem as if we are surrounded by 'bad things'? Why do bad things happen to good people? "...but in the beginning, it was not so." It was not until the fall of man (not to be confused with the male gender, rather humanity) that 'bad' things began to happen.

Now, many people would argue that, because we Christians believe in God, that we would not be subjected to the same evil, pain and suffering the rest of the world must face for their 'unbelief', if this God is really real. That is a subjective view of God, which many people have because, as humans, we have the tendency to limit God. One thing that people often misunderstand when it comes to knowing God, they think He must be some sort of dictator or authoritarian parent. Our God is actually quite the opposite. He is authoritative - I use this word loosely, as God cannot be bound by one title or concept, this is simply a metaphor. He is a loving God; who knows that if He made our choices for us, we would be slaves. Therefore, the Father set us free by giving us free will. Free will is God's way of allowing us to follow the call, His perfect will for our lives. When we choose that life, no amount of pain, suffering, or evil will be allowed to destroy us if we persevere. This does not mean that we receive "immunity" from it.

Evil, pain, and suffering. These three seeming "bad" circumstances are what cause us to grow and become strengthened in Christ. God allows these to happen so that we will turn our lives to Him more and more each day. He wants a relationship with us and He wants to bless us. God does not desire us to suffer, but wants us to realize that He can bring us the joy, healing, and life through that pain. There is evil in the world; should we not see that its existence is a sure sign that there is good too?

God will one day save us from all this pain and suffering and spare us from evil when we get to Heaven. Until then, we must know what evil is and experience pain so that we may be strengthened and know the sufferings of others and have compassion. Through suffering, God wants us to choose to put our trust and faith in Him instead of relying on ourselves. The only cure for all these "bad" things is Christ Jesus.

Total Surrender

This is a poem I wrote during a time when God was pulling me out of my darkness, out of a life far away from Him, and calling me to surrender my life to Him. If you intend to share it with others, please give credit where credit is due.

It has been a long dry season
away from You, my God.
A time when I was desperately alone.
That is how I felt.
But You never left my side
Not once, did You let go.
You always hoped for my return
and held me close in the night.
My future was dark,
A shadow cast
I couldn't bear the thought of my past,
Nor a future
With our without You.
I walked away, chose...
Not You; but the world instead.
Shame, guilt, pride.
I surrender all to You now -
I am finally Free!

by Elizabeth Dorthalina

Rules

I was reading a reflection recently and had a bit of an analogy come into my head. First, here is the reflection I was reading:

"Think of a busy street near you. Now imagine that all rules were taken away from driving on that street. No speed limit, no side you are supposed to drive on, anything goes. Can you see all the danger, confusion and harm that would ensue from a no rules, anything goes street?" (Fr. Amsberry, Daily Lenten Reflections, 2009)

I began to wonder if this concept would work with anything in our world. Let's take plants for instance. There are certain 'rules' which must be followed in order for any plant to grow. Plants need soil, water, air, and sunlight in order to grow. But what if I didn't want to follow those rules? I want to feed my plant pig slop or steak. I don't feel like giving it the amount of light the rules require, I'd rather keep it in my closet. Will it grow? "Well, I think it should because I am feeding it and doing what I want with it." I hear people say things like, "Rules are meant to be broken" or "What works for you doesn't necessarily work for me". Our spiritual lives are like that plant. There is a natural order which must be followed in order for it to grow. It's not a "rule"! As Fr. Amsberry writes:

"This is an analogy for our spiritual lives. If we live an amoral life of no rules and anything goes, confusion and harm will be the fruit of it. When we live a life without God, our spirits fail."

So the next time you encounter a 'rule' that you feel is being imposed upon you, do some research. Is it really a rule? Or is it there to help you and bring forth the greatest good for and in you?

God does not impose rules on us to make us miserable. The closer we get to God through relationship with His Son, the more we can begin to see that these originally perceived "rules" are a way of life and we no longer need the "rules" in order to live. Our lives very naturally go that way. When we stop fighting the "rules" we find that following them is very simple. Pray about it. It could make your life a lot easier; actually it will make it easier. It did with mine. Rebelling against the "rules" is more work than what it takes to learn why we have them.

What does God want us to know about our bodies?

Somehow, we have come to the conclusion that our bodies are bad, sex is bad, and we are all bad by nature. Where did we go wrong? If you read the Bible from the very beginning, we are good! Check out Genesis 1:26-27, 30-31:

And he said: “Let us make Man to our image and likeness. And let him rule over the fish of the sea, and the flying creatures of the air, and the wild beasts, and the entire earth, and every animal that moves on the earth.” And God created man to his own image; to the image of God he created him; male and female, he created them. And so it became. And God saw everything that he had made. And they were very good.

Do you see the emphasis I added to 'very good'? That is because, with every other creation, God said it was good, but when He finished making man (humanity), He said it was VERY GOOD!

So where did this lie come from? Recently, I saw a video* about the Gnostic gospels. I found it very fascinating when I discovered that these 'gospels' and the religion are the main source of heresy in the Christian church. One such heresy is this very idea that we are all 'bad'. We must reject the body, reject sexuality, reject our very selves! What?!? Do you realize what this means? We are created in the Image and Likeness of God. The Image and Likeness... of GOD. God is good, He is perfect. By rejecting our bodies, sexuality, and our very selves, we are rejecting our Creator! Why would we want to do this?? He is good, He is perfect, and He created us in His Image and Likeness!

Take a look in the mirror today. Ladies, I know it can be especially painful for you. But when you look at yourself, I want you to try to look at yourself through the eyes of God. He created you in His Image and Likeness. Gentleman, I can't pretend to know what you see in the mirror as men, but if it is painful, try to do the same as I have instructed the ladies. But no matter how you look at yourself, look with humility. God created you in His Image and Likeness. How much more beautiful can you get?

You deserve all the love, respect, and dignity that God intended for you. Don't reject it just because the world tells you that are not worth it. I know it can be a challenge, I've believed the lie that I had no value. But God has revealed to me the Truth, the sacrifice He made through His Son is the Truth. And it is this: that we are made for God. Therefore, we have value, we deserve all the love, respect, and dignity we receive from Him. He wants to give us mercy, forgiveness, redemption, fulfillment, and life. All we have to do is want it and ask Him for it!

How much do you want this life?

You are Loved!


*Lost Gospels or False Gospels - The Truth About the "Other Gospels" and Early Christianity with EWTN's Fr. Mitch Pacwa and more.

Defining The Banquet

The Banquet is the Eternal Consummation of the marriage between Christ and the Church.

Wait, what? What do all those big words mean??

Jameson Taylor* wrote a review on Christopher West's "The Good News about Sex and Marriage" which includes a clear explanation of what The Banquet is:

"To explain, the human person -- including the human body -- has been made in the image of God. As such, the person is a mystery that mirrors the sublime mystery of divine love. In the marital act (and true sex can only really occur within the context of a sacramental marriage) man and wife uniquely [give], receive and [return] God's love in such a way that they share in God's creation of a new human person. The sexual embrace thus images God's love as does no other human act. In recognizing this "nuptial meaning" of the body, we also see that the human body itself is a sacramental sign of God's love. Sex, we might say, is nothing less than a mystical encounter with the divine."

Jameson Taylor is a philosophy professor and author of numerous articles and books, including America's Drug Deal: Vaccines, Abortion, Corruption (forthcoming Requiem Press). For more information see: americasdrugdeal.com

What is the The Banquet?

The world would have a us believe there are only two kinds of diets when it comes to our sexuality. The world offers the "Fast-food Diet" where you can get as much sex as you want, when you want, where you want and how you want it, with whoever you want.

Our second option is the "Starvation Diet". The world will tell you that this is what the 'religious' people teach. This requires that everyone have an attitude that sex is "bad", our bodies are "bad" and.... "Don't look! Don't look! Must... Not... Sin...".

Both of these options will never fulfill us. The first is overindulging and leaves us believing that we cannot control ourselves. The second rejects the beautiful bodies we are given and tries to smother our God-given sexual desires.

So what do we do??

God offers each and every one of us The Banquet. He and He alone can fulfilled our desires when we bring them to him. God doesn't want us to be eating fast-food all the time, it will make us unhealthy and always craving more. He doesn't want us to starve ourselves either; it too, will make us unhealthy and will deaden our desires.
God gave us our sexual desires! They are GOOD! Our bodies are GOOD! We are inherently GOOD people.
How can we partake in this Banquet? How do we find it?

By accepting God's free and awesome gift of GRACE. We can't earn it. It's FREE. Seek out the Lord today, He wants you to eat from His table and be fulfilled. Only He can fill the emptiness you feel.

Before I begin...

I would like to dedicate this blog to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and his most Blessed Mother Mary. If it were not for their love and mercy, I would not be writing this blog.

Let us pray,
Heavenly Father, I ask for Your blessing upon this blog which was inspired by You. Father, send Your Holy Spirit to lead and guide the words which will be written in this place, that they only be from You. I pray for the openness of the spirit, mind and body of those who will be reading this. I also ask for the motivation and diligence, which can only be found through You, to write this blog, for you know my short-comings.

My most Blessed Mother, I offer this up to you, that you shower each word with the love of your Son and reveal His love to each person who will enter into this place.

Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hollowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.