Last week, a Priest helped me to identify the source, or spring, which feeds all my sins. He did not know where this source came from except that it was some lie that I had believed when I was younger and has convinced me that I am that type of person, whatever that type is.
Last night, I realized what the lie was and is. It has been alive in me for more than a decade, if not nearly two decades. I am finally set free from this lie! I have named it and told it the truth, the Truth of the Word of God. I am FREE!!! :)
What is the source of your sin? Has someone important in your life decided that you were a certain way when you were young and you believed it? Not knowing that there could be more beyond what you have been told, you (like me) continue living your life after that point believing and living as if what you were told is absolute, unchangeable 'truth'. Maybe you've even told you're friends "Well this is the way I am so you better accept me as I am or you aren't my friend". Did you ever think that just maybe, it isn't true?
I know, you're whole world is caving in around you right now. I know what you're thinking... Here is a 27 year old girl telling me that after nearly two decades of struggle, she is finally figuring out who she really is for the first time. Wonder what I have to look forward to in my life... What am I supposed to do about it?
Well Christian, let me ask you this: How much do you really desire to know yourself? Not at all? A little? A lot? Completely? If you are at all uncertain whether you really want to know, you must pray. Ask God if He wants to reveal to you anything you don't know about yourself or something that you believe is you but really is something else. Don't give up. He will answer in His time. If you don't believe, pray for faith. It's worked for me during two completely different times in my life (including right now).
If you are certain you really want to know, you must pray. Ask God to make you into the man or woman that you were created to be. I warn you, He will answer you're prayer. And sometimes, it is painful. You will want to run. But I urge you, keep going Christian. After the pain, there is great healing and joy waiting for you. If you keep going, it will be a victory at the end, not emptiness. You will be given the strength to endure. You will be given the grace to conquer whatever comes into your path. But remember, pray always.
When your walk in life gets tough, remember one of the greatest saints we know. St. John Vianney was a less-than ordinary man. He was not very bright, but God still called him to the priesthood. He battled Satan his whole life. His was Thwarted over and over again. Yet, he prayed to God, most humbly, knowing his shortcomings and surrendering his life always for the souls of his children (the people of his parish). At the end of his life, the devil was conquered and thus God saved him and many others whose lives were transformed by St. Vianney's devotion to God and His people.
Brothers and sisters, I hope that I can be a source of encouragement for in this walk of life. I know the struggle, I know what it feels like to be knocked down and give up. Don't do it! Get back up! Let the Lord reach down and pick you up and dust you off. Accept the strength and grace He wants to give you, freely.
Then, and only then, my brothers and sisters, can you be set free. Join me in the most incredible freedom, the only freedom we can ever truly gain; through our Lord Jesus Christ who died and rose again, for YOU.
