Uniting With Christ

Lately, I have been unable to sleep very well. I lay in bed for hours, a million things on my mind, keeping me awake. Or so I thought. It dawned on me that God may be trying to get my attention and I just ignored it. I think I will need to back up and explain a little bit more.

I went to a Healing Mass just a couple of weeks ago and when the Priest began praying over me, he told me some very specific things about my life, thoughts and feelings. He talked about my loneliness and pain, how I was hurt at a very young age (just an emotional wound), and how I want to be loved for my mind and heart and not my physical beauty, among many other things.

Some of the loneliness comes from desiring married life and realizing that, at the age of 27, I'm not getting any younger (haha). It's painful, you know? Have any of you ever felt this way? You desire a spouse to love and children to raise so much that it physically hurts? I'm not bringing this up so that you can pity me... No. My purpose is to share with you what I have learned through that pain.

More and more I have felt the need to offer up all my suffering for those I love and those who don't know the secret to my strength to endure this pain and carry on. But I haven't been very diligent (working on it...) and I haven't been certain of that being the end of what I am to do. This morning I got my answer.

Because of the Healing Mass a couple of weeks back, my parents now know of my struggles and they pray and worry (hopefully they pray more than they worry). Well, I spent the last two nights at my parents' house for Thanksgiving and this morning as I was getting ready to leave for work, my father approached me. He told me that he prays for me and that he felt like God was saying that what He wants is for me to unite my suffering with the Passion of our Blessed Savior.

Ouch. Ok... it's not like I don't want to do this, but I know it is going to be an extremely painful and difficult battle. The Lord gives me strength even though my flesh is weak. I ask for your prayers and I want all of my readers to know that you will be in my prayers too. God Bless you all.

Let us pray:

Passion of Christ, Strengthen Me

Passion of Christ, strengthen me! Strengthen me under the pressure of temptation. Strengthen me when principle is at stake. Strengthen me to do Your Will, My God. Strengthen me in moments of suffering, in times of loneliness, in periods of depression. Strengthen me that I may never swerve from You, dear Christ, nor weaken through human respect, through a desire to be popular, through hope of social distinction. Strengthen me to accept my cross and carry it generously to the end. On the battlefield of life, stand by me that I may never prove a traitor in the ranks. Stand by me that I may not be dazzled by the glitter and glow of the enemy camp.
Amen.

The Road Less Traveled

You know the saying, "With great power comes great responsibility"? I think it comes from Luke 12:48 - "So then, of all to whom much has been given, much will be required. And of those to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be asked."

I was pondering this very idea as I attempted to have a nice, quiet evening, just reading a good book. But my mind would not have it. Too many thoughts were vying for my attention.

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at myself. I wondered what I would look like when I'm not so young anymore, when gray overtakes my chocolate curls, and wrinkles replace my smooth skin. Will I have a furrowed brow from worry and distress? I know this all sounds random, but it is relevant, I promise."...of all to whom much has been given, much will be required". I know that I have been called to a life that is more than normal. Sometimes I wish I could live a 'normal' life. But I think that with all the responsibility I wouldn't have to have, I would miss the abundant blessings God wants to bestow upon me for continually striving to walk with Him.

It is a hard road. One wrought with pain, loneliness, suffering, heavy burdens, stress, the weight of the world, sometimes hopelessness. However, I believe that because I feel these things, I also feel the opposites with much more vibrancy. I feel the love of good family and friends, hope, joy, passion, victory, and healing.

I look at the people around me, many refusing to walk this road because it is 'uncool' or believing in God is dumb, it's for losers who have nothing better to do with their lives. This road is a challenge, it is not for the weak of heart. Belief in a seemingly intangible God is asking more than most people can imagine. But when He becomes real, you won't have to imagine. You will discover that God is already living in you, He's just waiting for an invitation to be a part of your life.

I wonder if, because I walk this road, I will have more stress lines and gray hairs than the average person. It will all be worth it in the end.