August 26, 2010

Into the Desert: A Divine Romance

The following is what I wrote in my journal today. I wanted to share it with you so that you can see how amazing the desert actually is and hopefully, desire to go there yourselves. Just remember, all our journeys are different, so don't expect what I'm experiencing, to happen to you too.

(Just a note: When I write, it is usually a conversation, so I will refer to God as You.)

I took another step into the desert and this is what I saw: You standing, waiting for me, ever so patiently. You took me by the hand, which I offered gingerly; then swept me off my feet, unexpectedly. We walked through the rain. I laughed as You carried me, clinging round Your neck. Surrounding us, I saw a narrow path through green... trees, grass, colorful little flowers dotting a field of green with the bright sun in the blue sky. I didn't see a desert at all as You spun me around, still in Your arms. At last You set me down, but never left my side, arm around my shoulders, walking in stride. I questioned why I did not see the desert and this is what You said, "My desert does not look like yours, I ravish you instead. It is My time to be with you, to romance you if you wish, but you must listen to Me, My bride. Silence and prayer will be your guide, as well as My Word and Flesh. Will you go deeper with Me now? Deeper than before?"

Tears of joy ran down my face as I realized that submitting myself to His love and receiving His grace are only difficult when I make it that way. "Yes." I replied, how could I say 'no'? He is the lover I have always wanted, always needed and has always been right in front of me. To deny Him would be a denial of myself and who I am; a beautifully created daughter of God.

To be romanced by Him would be divine! How can I say no? I was happy and at peace with Him in that moment in the "desert", if I let Him more often, would I not have even greater joy and peace? No, I cannot say no. So You'll hear me say, "Lord, have Your way with me. Penetrate my soul."

Into the Desert: Beginning the Journey

Have you ever been called into the desert by God? It's kind of intimidating. I've heard the call more than once, but have pretty much run from it every time. The last time I heard the call was different. I was in Mass, on my knees in prayer when I heard a nearly audible "GO". I was like, go where? Then I saw it, in my mind. A narrow pathway leading straight into the desert (insert dramatic music here). That was on August 1st. Since then I have started, stopped, started again, run away, crawled back.... Wonder if I'll ever figure this out??

I started out asking the Lord to help me to accept His love, which I was having a really difficult time doing. Last Sunday, however, I had a divine revelation (yes!), it is not so much accepting as it is submitting. Since this realization, I have had a bit easier time accepting God's love for me, though it's still a challenge.

The first week, I laid out a plan to aid me in my journey. The following is a list of steps I'm taking to try to get to and stay in the desert with the Lord until... whenever. ;)

1. Attend Mass regularly. This does not mean just on Sunday. I try to go ever Monday and Tuesday, and hopefully Wednesday or Friday if I can.

2. Go to Adoration. I am trying to do this every Thursday after work, but sometimes I forget and get home before I remember. Perhaps it would be good to choose at least one other day of the week to go as well.

3. Read the Bible. This is hard. I don't read it enough. I'm starting with the goal of reading it once a week, and that doesn't include hearing the readings at Mass.

4. Read other literature that will assist me on my journey. I'm currently reading "The Road Less Traveled", "Deep Conversion Deep Prayer" and "Living Your Strengths". The second book has been the most helpful by far.

And finally...
5. Spend at least 15 minutes a day in prayer. I'm actually aiming for an hour, but if I don't make it, then I get discouraged and feel like I'm not making any progress. So 15 minutes is a little more attainable for me.

In my next blog, I will talk about my experience in the desert and hopefully it will encourage you to go into the desert as well. As my priest says, the Lord will
ravish you in the desert. (Definition of ravish: To overwhelm with emotion; enrapture).