You Decide

Sometimes God is silent. When you are trying to make a big decision because He has given you the tools you need to make the decision without having to wait for an answer from Him, can be one of those times. He's not going to tell you how to make every move your whole life. He has given you tools to know your heart, know the difference between right and wrong, and to choose. There are times when He has a definite choice He wants you will make, but other times, He leaves it entirely up to you to decide what is best. Sometimes the things you have to choose, don't feel right or don't make any sense in the moment but later you realize there was a very good reason for that decision. When it doesn't make sense, it is often painful... You have to remind yourself constantly why you made the decision in the first place.

This is what I have been going through. I had to choose something that was the opposite of what I originally thought I wanted. But I made the decision anyway. It's a constant emotional battle now. Did I make the right decision? Yes. Do I feel like it? No. Hurting another person causes me great pain, but it's not just that this time... I wish I could put into words how the decision has affected me... It's worse... more painful than anything I've ever felt in the past. I want to hold on, to reverse the decision, and I want to let go and just TRUST in God.

Feelings are deceptive, especially when you don't know what to do with them. I can honestly say there is not much advice I can offer in this case, except to pray constantly. Don't let yourself become numb to what you feel, and turn what you feel into a prayer, a cry to God. In the past, I would let myself become numb when I was in pain and eventually, I didn't feel hardly anything at all, save the emptiness inside. Personally, I choose to feel every ounce of pain rather than the emptiness which comes from numbing. The pain makes me feel alive, human.

Here is a method of prayer I found that I am attempting to deal with the pain and seek healing: http://www.chastitysf.com/healing.htm

Giving the Pain to God

Pray, therefore, that the healing process will happen within you. But pray for it specifically:

• Ask God that you will be enlightened.

• Ask God for the courage to see the truth of your life, especially its ugly and embarrassing resentments and temptations.

• Ask God for the strength to not flinch from the pain.

• Ask God that everything you do will be directed to your purification.

Then, all it takes to give the pain to God is to work through four successive phases of understanding whenever you feel hurt.

God bless you all!