The other night, as I was kicking myself for all the times I repeat sins that I want to be free of, I realized something.... Abouna actually has the credit for this idea in my head, and that is this:
Some of my gravest sins are committed with that which is meant to be my greatest gifts from God. In other words, I don't know how to use the gifts God has given me yet, the only thing I know about them is what I've been taught by the world. Therefore, the only thing I can do with my gifts is misuse them. If that makes any sense.
As a result: I am a complete and utter disaster! My idea of my gifts are a mess; twisted so much that I cannot even recognize them. I am not me, I am not free. Then to top it off, when I realize what is going on, I go to confession, get rid of the sin, and then noncommittally tell the Lord I'll do better next time. That's when I need to read and pay attention to Luke 11:24-26 (Read it!). The demons which dwelt within me leave, and upon finding no place to rest, it returns and finds the place (me) clean and brings seven more that are stronger to dwell there.
This brings an attitude. A bad one too. "I can't do it!" Like a little kid I cry to God. But you know what? He believes in me. He TRUSTS me. He trusts that I will do the right thing because He knows I CAN. That is the Truth. Now I just have to learn to accept it.... And that's a completely different story.
Some of my gravest sins are committed with that which is meant to be my greatest gifts from God. In other words, I don't know how to use the gifts God has given me yet, the only thing I know about them is what I've been taught by the world. Therefore, the only thing I can do with my gifts is misuse them. If that makes any sense.
As a result: I am a complete and utter disaster! My idea of my gifts are a mess; twisted so much that I cannot even recognize them. I am not me, I am not free. Then to top it off, when I realize what is going on, I go to confession, get rid of the sin, and then noncommittally tell the Lord I'll do better next time. That's when I need to read and pay attention to Luke 11:24-26 (Read it!). The demons which dwelt within me leave, and upon finding no place to rest, it returns and finds the place (me) clean and brings seven more that are stronger to dwell there.
This brings an attitude. A bad one too. "I can't do it!" Like a little kid I cry to God. But you know what? He believes in me. He TRUSTS me. He trusts that I will do the right thing because He knows I CAN. That is the Truth. Now I just have to learn to accept it.... And that's a completely different story.
I don't understand why more people don't follow this blog. Please don't ever quit!
ReplyDeleteThanks Paul, that means a lot to me. I hope that I can change even just a couple of people's lives with what I experience.
ReplyDelete