A New Chapter

I am hoping to finally get back to blogging the way I used to.

My life is not what I planned it would be.  It's filled with many disappointments and suffering.  There is a constant battle between desire to surrender to God or to throw a pity party and resort to coping mechanisms.  Only, now the desire to let God be in charge is starting to win.  Thank GOD.

I have been married for about 2.5 years and have a 20 month old daughter.  From my perspective, I was thrown into marriage and parenthood rather quickly and have limped along since.  My spiritual life has suffered the most, with prayer and devotion to the Blessed Sacrament being put on the back burner almost entirely.  And when praying did happen (which was almost daily), it was with a bad attitude and not even half-hearted.

At last (2.5 years later...), I have reached my breaking point.  No more bare minimum faith.  No more avoidance of a prayer life.  No more blaming my 'situation'.  

Recently, I watched the movie War Room (excellent movie!), which was given to me by my husband (he had no idea he was opening Pandora's Box...).  It forced me to look at my life and realize, "I am Elizabeth".  No... I'm not referring to myself, the main character in the movie is also named Elizabeth.  Coincidence? I don't think so.  I was drawn to the idea of creating a "war room" of my own and praying there, for myself, my husband, daughter and anyone or anything else that God put on my heart.

I live in a tiny house.  Where on earth could I create a prayer space?  The closets weren't big enough (image that, my closets are so small that I can't create a prayer space within...), and it seemed every corner of the house was filled.  Finally it dawned on me.  There is a 2-3 foot wide walking space between my bed and the wall.  So I slid my night stand out of the corner about 4 feet and voilà!  I had a prayer space that my child can't get into.

There I placed journals, inspirational books, a Bible, and a half cork board - half white board to write notes and scriptures on.  I haven't used it a ton, but it has given me more motivation than I have had in about 3 years or so.  

Wives, I encourage you to do the same.  In upcoming posts, I will talk about spiritual warfare in marriage, suffering, and much more.  Please stay tuned, and if you want to hear more on a particular topic, let me know. 

God Bless you all.

Roses for Ashes

When I was less than one month away from my wedding day, I found that both of us (Matt and I) had already experienced many of the joys and sorrows of a relationship as we learned what it meant to make a commitment to each other forever.

It's not easy.  I still often feel like I offer Matt and God the ashes that my life appears to be.  So many times I hurt the man I love unintentionally.  So many times I am wounded by him.

My deepest longing in those moments is to simply be loved by him, and his desire is to be loved by me.  And you know what?  God asks me to die to this very desire.  WHAT?!?  Talk about painful.

The more I have cried and prayed and prayed and cried, the more I realize... It's painful now, but if I do it, if I choose to die to my desire for love, then I will find Joy and Peace.  If I don't, I will go through the cycle of tears, hurt feelings, and a shattered heart all over again.

I'm still learning this painful lesson. It's easier to withdraw than to make the difficult choice love instead of waiting to be loved. Lord, give me grace. I need it more than ever.

Defining The Banquet

The Banquet is the Eternal Consummation of the marriage between Christ and the Church.

Wait, what? What do all those big words mean??

Jameson Taylor* wrote a review on Christopher West's "The Good News about Sex and Marriage" which includes a clear explanation of what The Banquet is:

"To explain, the human person -- including the human body -- has been made in the image of God. As such, the person is a mystery that mirrors the sublime mystery of divine love. In the marital act (and true sex can only really occur within the context of a sacramental marriage) man and wife uniquely [give], receive and [return] God's love in such a way that they share in God's creation of a new human person. The sexual embrace thus images God's love as does no other human act. In recognizing this "nuptial meaning" of the body, we also see that the human body itself is a sacramental sign of God's love. Sex, we might say, is nothing less than a mystical encounter with the divine."

Jameson Taylor is a philosophy professor and author of numerous articles and books, including America's Drug Deal: Vaccines, Abortion, Corruption (forthcoming Requiem Press). For more information see: americasdrugdeal.com