A New Chapter

I am hoping to finally get back to blogging the way I used to.

My life is not what I planned it would be.  It's filled with many disappointments and suffering.  There is a constant battle between desire to surrender to God or to throw a pity party and resort to coping mechanisms.  Only, now the desire to let God be in charge is starting to win.  Thank GOD.

I have been married for about 2.5 years and have a 20 month old daughter.  From my perspective, I was thrown into marriage and parenthood rather quickly and have limped along since.  My spiritual life has suffered the most, with prayer and devotion to the Blessed Sacrament being put on the back burner almost entirely.  And when praying did happen (which was almost daily), it was with a bad attitude and not even half-hearted.

At last (2.5 years later...), I have reached my breaking point.  No more bare minimum faith.  No more avoidance of a prayer life.  No more blaming my 'situation'.  

Recently, I watched the movie War Room (excellent movie!), which was given to me by my husband (he had no idea he was opening Pandora's Box...).  It forced me to look at my life and realize, "I am Elizabeth".  No... I'm not referring to myself, the main character in the movie is also named Elizabeth.  Coincidence? I don't think so.  I was drawn to the idea of creating a "war room" of my own and praying there, for myself, my husband, daughter and anyone or anything else that God put on my heart.

I live in a tiny house.  Where on earth could I create a prayer space?  The closets weren't big enough (image that, my closets are so small that I can't create a prayer space within...), and it seemed every corner of the house was filled.  Finally it dawned on me.  There is a 2-3 foot wide walking space between my bed and the wall.  So I slid my night stand out of the corner about 4 feet and voilà!  I had a prayer space that my child can't get into.

There I placed journals, inspirational books, a Bible, and a half cork board - half white board to write notes and scriptures on.  I haven't used it a ton, but it has given me more motivation than I have had in about 3 years or so.  

Wives, I encourage you to do the same.  In upcoming posts, I will talk about spiritual warfare in marriage, suffering, and much more.  Please stay tuned, and if you want to hear more on a particular topic, let me know. 

God Bless you all.

The Road Less Traveled

You know the saying, "With great power comes great responsibility"? I think it comes from Luke 12:48 - "So then, of all to whom much has been given, much will be required. And of those to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be asked."

I was pondering this very idea as I attempted to have a nice, quiet evening, just reading a good book. But my mind would not have it. Too many thoughts were vying for my attention.

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at myself. I wondered what I would look like when I'm not so young anymore, when gray overtakes my chocolate curls, and wrinkles replace my smooth skin. Will I have a furrowed brow from worry and distress? I know this all sounds random, but it is relevant, I promise."...of all to whom much has been given, much will be required". I know that I have been called to a life that is more than normal. Sometimes I wish I could live a 'normal' life. But I think that with all the responsibility I wouldn't have to have, I would miss the abundant blessings God wants to bestow upon me for continually striving to walk with Him.

It is a hard road. One wrought with pain, loneliness, suffering, heavy burdens, stress, the weight of the world, sometimes hopelessness. However, I believe that because I feel these things, I also feel the opposites with much more vibrancy. I feel the love of good family and friends, hope, joy, passion, victory, and healing.

I look at the people around me, many refusing to walk this road because it is 'uncool' or believing in God is dumb, it's for losers who have nothing better to do with their lives. This road is a challenge, it is not for the weak of heart. Belief in a seemingly intangible God is asking more than most people can imagine. But when He becomes real, you won't have to imagine. You will discover that God is already living in you, He's just waiting for an invitation to be a part of your life.

I wonder if, because I walk this road, I will have more stress lines and gray hairs than the average person. It will all be worth it in the end.