Into the Desert: In Adoration

Be still my heart, be silent. Quiet you, mind. You will only be restless until you rest in Him. You will be held captive, unless you let Him set you free. You will remain a sinner until you let Him make you a saint. Put aside the worries of the day, empty your burden into the hands of our Lord. Wipe the tears from my face... dwell in me, have Your way with me.

Oh that we could only recognize the mystery, the unique opportunity we have in Adoration. To be in Your presence! Praise Jesus who bridged the gap, who tore the veil... So that we could experience You! This is where I find my ecstasy... completely consumed by Jesus Christ; completely consumed by His unfailing Love.

This is the moment, this is the time. Set my heart on fire, let it burn only for You. Ecstasy!

(Here is the dictionary definition of ecstasy: 1. Intense joy or delight. 2. A state of emotion so intense that one is carried beyond rational thought and self-control: an ecstasy of rage. 3. The trance, frenzy, or rapture associated with mystic or prophetic exaltation.)

This is what I experience when I am on my knees, intensely praying before our Lord in Adoration. Ecstasy!!! Oh... what love He pours out, this great Lover of my Soul. The Only Lover of my Soul.

Who needs drugs (including 'ecstasy'), alcohol, cigarettes, sex, etc... when this ecstasy that I experience... when we are ALL created to experience this kind of union with our Creator? We are all called, but few respond. If only they knew... if only they realized that they would wake up without a hangover, sickness, death, or a broken heart... If only they knew that they could wake up with joy, knowing they are fulfilled by union with Jesus! If only....

Into the Desert: Who Am I?

The other night, as I was kicking myself for all the times I repeat sins that I want to be free of, I realized something.... Abouna actually has the credit for this idea in my head, and that is this:

Some of my gravest sins are committed with that which is meant to be my greatest gifts from God. In other words, I don't know how to use the gifts God has given me yet, the only thing I know about them is what I've been taught by the world. Therefore, the only thing I can do with my gifts is misuse them. If that makes any sense.

As a result: I am a complete and utter disaster! My idea of my gifts are a mess; twisted so much that I cannot even recognize them. I am not me, I am not free. Then to top it off, when I realize what is going on, I go to confession, get rid of the sin, and then noncommittally tell the Lord I'll do better next time. That's when I need to read and pay attention to Luke 11:24-26 (Read it!). The demons which dwelt within me leave, and upon finding no place to rest, it returns and finds the place (me) clean and brings seven more that are stronger to dwell there.

This brings an attitude. A bad one too. "I can't do it!" Like a little kid I cry to God. But you know what? He believes in me. He TRUSTS me. He trusts that I will do the right thing because He knows I CAN. That is the Truth. Now I just have to learn to accept it.... And that's a completely different story.

Into the Desert: October

In the last several years, I've realized that October is a difficult month for me. Perhaps it is because of the changing seasons, warm summers shifting to cool, and sometimes wet, autumns. Often, I find myself running from the inevitable: Summer's end. It's my favorite season of the year, although I like the other three seasons almost as well. Perhaps though, it is more spiritual. In the summer, I rejoice in the sunshine and warm weather. When autumn arrives, however, I welcome it with much less enthusiasm, I am less thankful. Even depressed. Throw into the mix making some tough (and painful) decisions, and Elizabeth is a mess... Thank God for His grace and mercy.

What does this have to do with my journey into the desert? I don't know. Honestly, I'm searching for answers just as much as the rest of you. And funny how, as I type this, the very words I am writing are playing in a song immediately after I type each word. "I'll stop searching for the answers, I'll stop praying for an escape, and I'll trust You God with where I am and believe that You will have Your way" (Britt Nicole). Good song; fully expresses where I am and how I'm feeling right now. God speaks to me through songs a lot.

Guess God is asking (reminding) me to trust Him. It's hard sometimes, you know? Putting my life into the hands of Someone we can't physically see... I mean, we can see signs of Him in all of His creation, especially in each other. So... I guess I'll ask God to carry me through this difficult month and help, rather, teach me to trust Him.