As I begin this new chapter in my life, I find myself swinging from determined to despairing. In one moment, knowing God has led me here and will continue to walk with/carry me, and the next moment, afraid God won't "keep His end of the deal". It's scary to die even more to myself, letting go of what I think I need from my husband, or what others tell me I need from him. Because really, all I need comes from Jesus.
If anyone tried to tell me how much suffering there is in marriage as we (hopefully) learn to surrender ourselves to God more than we ever imagined necessary, I didn't understand. But the pain is worse when we don't cling to God and instead cling our own selfish desires or rely on our spouse to make us happy. That's not marriage! My husband isn't here to make me happy, he's here to make me holy!
Love isn't a feeling. Feelings come and go, they are fickle.
Love is an act of the will: a choice one makes every day to love another regardless of feeling like you love them or if you loved by them.
How do we choose to love when our spouse hurts us (unknowingly)? It's so easy to slip into self pity, defensiveness, depression, self-sabotage, anger/resentment towards your spouse, a victim, etc. What do you do to pick yourself up and keep loving??
I am still searching for answers. But I do know where to find those answers. On my knees, asking God for a LOT of grace.
Feel free to comment if you have any suggestions. How do get past the momentary feelings and love your spouse even when it hurts?
Praying for you, Elizabeth! I know when I start feeling that way I do something to show I love my husband... even when I don't want too. It helps to get me out of my head (which as we both know, can be a dangerous place to get stuck in). Love and prayers! Sammi B
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