The Banquet

What awaith me, oh Advent?

2011-11-24T22:16:00.000-08:00

Wow. It has been way too long since I last updated my blog. The Lord has been doing so much in my life... it would take a novel just to include it all. So much healing, freedom, Holy Spirit power going on. :)

The Lord has called my friends and I to start a prayer group for people our age. It has been a great challenge for me (and others in the group, but I can't speak for their experiences). I have found that the position in which God has placed me, is not a position I would have 'happily' chosen for myself. It is filled with great challenges and struggles. Constant spiritual warfare, plaguing many moments of the day, often stealing peace of mind. What is it exactly, that causes so much strife? FEAR. Fear of love and fear of you, fear of letting go and making mistakes.

Most of us live with some form of fear in our daily lives. So how does one go about dealing with this? There is only one way. Avoid everything you are afraid of, dig a whole, live under a rock, build a bomb shelter... JK!!!

The key is putting your trust in the Lord. This took a great deal of effort, or so it seemed. I thought I had tried everything. However, none of them were working. You know that trick where if you tell yourself something enough times you start to believe it? Yeah... didn't work. Prayer, surrender, submission, begging, pleading... to no avail. Now, this is not a hopeless case, as you may be starting to think. Finally, after all these trials, I turned to our Blessed Mother.

Yep. Five days of persistence in prayer to our Lady, praying a Novena, Rosary, and Hail Marys, and I began to find clarity again. Trust came a tiny bit more easily as I asked our Mother's intercession for the grace to trust in our Father, her Son, and beloved spouse (Holy Spirit). The Rosary does work if you mean it when you pray it! So, pray the Rosary daily! This Advent, it is my goal to pray the Rosary daily, and allow our Mother to teach me how to Trust in God a little more everyday.

God Bless you all and Happy Thanksgiving!

Mary, Mother of All

2011-07-28T19:01:00.000-07:00

I just got home from Adoration and an answer to prayer so obvious that I could not turn my back. I am getting ready for a big trip right now, it has been stressful to say the least. However, a lot of prayer has happened because of that. I went to Adoration with the intention of praying for this journey which has been so difficult and spent an hour and a half doing just that. I walked out filled with peace, knowing that I had begun to place everything into His hands and I just needed to keep doing that. But it didn't end there.

As I stepped out of the sanctuary and into the foyer, a man stopped me and asked if I recognized him. I hadn't and his response was "Good." He began to teach me the importance of praying the Rosary every day as Our Lady of Fatima asked us to do, pointing out the 15 promises that will be kept if we honor her request. He told me about his life and the healing he received from Our Mother from an addiction to alcohol which nearly led him to suicide. On the day he planned his suicide, instead of a gun, he picked up a Rosary. She saved him. He told me about the brown scapular and promise of heaven if we wear it. He talked about many things that he was passionate about, including modesty in dress.

This was Our Lady and Our Lord's way of telling me, "Elizabeth, it's time to start praying the Rosary every day and wearing the Brown Scapular." Within the last week I thought to myself how Our Lady have never explicitly asked me to pray the Rosary daily. I also fingered my Brown Scapular and felt the need to start wearing it again... but didn't put it on. I guess I have my invitation and challenge now.

Has Our Mother beckoned you? She promises peace for the world, armor against hell, protection, grace, virtue, and so much more! If you struggle in your faith and want to grow stronger, pray the Rosary daily! If you want more than just an average life and want to go to heaven, pray the Rosary daily!

If you have a story to share about how the Rosary changed your life, leave a comment and tell me about it. I would love to hear your stories!

A Message From God to Everyone

2011-07-18T21:42:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been experiencing a lot of trials, chaos in my mind, pain in my heart, fogginess in life. Where was God in all of this? I was still praying, but hearing nothing. I was still faithfully attending Mass. I was still spending time in Adoration. Am I doing something wrong? Am I being tested or punished?

I'm sure many of you know what this feels like and have had similar questions. It's struggle to make it through the the things you used to delight in: giving God your time.

After seeking answers diligently, God finally gave me some answers.

In those times when we feel so far away, God is closer to us than any other time. He is, perhaps, even carrying you. Did you know that God wants to give us the desires of our hearts? Did you know He is more faithful to you than the most faithful servant or handmaid of God that ever walked the face of this earth? He delights in US!!! He doesn't expect us to be perfect, He doesn't expect us not to fail. He is the perfect One, the unfailing One... who, because of His love for us, pours Himself out for our sake that we may not have to suffer the consequences.

We have nothing to fear! So often, we create our own monsters. So often, we cause our own chaos. That is why it is so important during the good times, the times of peace, to build our strength through discipline. However, do not forfeit the relationship in the name of discipline. Discipline will keep us in a routine at all times, but building a relationship with God will give the motivation to remain disciplined.

So... My Lord, I choose to accept where You have me right now. Even though it doesn't seem to fit with the desires of my heart, somehow my life, as it is right now, is part of Your perfect plan for my redemption. I pray with a humble heart that You would use my life to bring You Glory. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

I Found Me!

2011-06-23T22:14:00.000-07:00

A key to unlock the door to the past. A person to bring that past into my present. An experience to change my life. And now... I'm left feeling like it never happened. So how do I tap back into that? Prayer? Community? Holy Spirit power? ;) Prayer for others. That's it. Putting others before myself, serving as I was created to do.

Right now, I am praying for someone very dear to me. This person means everything to me. I pray for God to give him the grace to receive the mercy, forgiveness and salvation which is meant for him. It is bittersweet, knowing that I can't play an active roll in bringing him to Christ. However, it is pure sweetness to offer sacrifice through fasting for his sake. Have you ever tried fasting the right way? It's extremely rewarding. Here, check out this awesome scripture passage which explains it perfectly:

Isaiah 58:3-9
'Why have we fasted, and thou seest it not?
Why have we humbled ourselves, and thou takest no knowledge of it?'
Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure, and oppress all your workers.
Behold, you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to hit with wicked fist.
Fasting like yours this day will not make your voice to be heard on high.
Is such the fast that I choose, a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it to bow down his head like a rush, and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him?
Will you call this a fast, and a day acceptable to the Lord?

"Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the thongs of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you, the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
you shall cry, and he will say, Here I am."

So... what did this teach me? I know that there is a lot of reference to things we don't do anymore, like wearing sackcloth and ashes... But often, we don't understand what fasting is really supposed to be like. This passage, and a very good friend of mine, explained the truth about fasting. You can't fast and say a few prayers or just your normal prayers. Fasting is one of two things: 1) Starvation or 2) Prayer.

Let me explain. Through my hunger (during a fast), I realized just how much my life depends upon what God has given me. He has provided me with a job to pay my bills so I can have a warm home, food, and transportation (along with many other things). My hungry stomach also made me realize that I am not just physically hungry, but spiritually hungry. Just as my body longed for nourishment, so too does my soul yearn for the nourishment, which only our Lord can provide.

Through this fasting, which I did for my dear friend, I have grown in trust and patience. Just a little. Hopefully, it is affecting the person I'm praying for, at least as much as it is affecting me. For this I pray. And I pray that you will try fasting, it is an incredible experience. If you have any questions or need any other helpful tips to get you through your fast, please do not hesitate to ask. I am learning just as much as you are. God Bless!

The Catholic Church and Homosexuality

2011-05-30T20:29:00.000-07:00

This is an extremely controversial topic, I know... But people have been asking me to post the research, studies, observations, and Catholic Church teaching on this one... So here goes. Please refrain from sending hate mail or negative comments; I am only placing information on here that supports Catholic Church teaching. I've heard the other side, the other arguments, and so have you, so here's the other side.

Most Christians have no idea how to argue this point without "throwing God/religion into the mix". It's not an easy topic. We as heterosexuals innately recognize that our attraction to the opposite sex is 'normal' (in other words, it falls under the category of natural law). Don't forget when making this argument that we are called to love the sinner, not the sin, we don't condemn the person because that is God's job on judgment day.

Homosexuality. What's the big deal? It's just about who you choose to love, right? I mean, everybody's doing it now. It kinda seems more like a fad than really a true way of life. Well, let's take a step back and look at it from a different perspective.

BORN GAY
I've heard a few different arguments for living the 'gay' lifestyle. The first that comes to mind is that people are just born that way. Back in 1993, a molecular biologist by the name of Dean Hamer published a study that brought about this 'born gay' idea. In his study, Hamer stated science was "on the verge of proving that homosexuality is innate, genetic and therefore unchangeable - a normal variant of human nature." People went crazy. What they read and what the understood from this study were two completely different things. Hamer stated that science was on the VERGE of proving, they had not yet PROVEN that people could be born gay. The media started spreading the news of the 'gay gene', only in the fine print could one find the true statement that it was only a possibility and no real discovery had been made. Of course, as many of us know, most of us don't take the time to read the fine print or listen to the extra info; we just want the juicy story as the media feeds it to us.

NATURAL LAW

So how do you tell people that heterosexuality is natural law and homosexuality is not? First let's take note of how the human body is made. Basically, men and women have the same build, two arms and eyes, two legs and ears, a nose, mouth, feet and hands, not to mention hips, stomach, shoulders, chest/breast, head and eye brows, we even have the same 'butt hole' (not to be crude, just speaking the truth). If you think about it, we may LOOK different, but we all have the same basic body parts. So what's different? Our reproductive organs.

Take the woman's reproductive organs: Her vagina is a hole, something which is meant to be filled (from time to time). She is RECEPTIVE. Now let's look at the man's reproductive organs: His penis protrudes out of his body, and honestly, it's kind of awkward and doesn't make much sense with the rest of his body. His penis is meant to be put into something. He is the GIVER.

Obviously we are all meant to give and receive, but our bodies speak a language that our mouths can't. Our bodies show what the relationship is supposed to look like, the man giving all of himself to his wife and the woman receiving all of her husband into her own body and then giving back to him. This makes them one, unites them. Not to mention that one result of intercourse is children. Between union, communion, and reproduction… sexual union in its natural state, becomes complete.

So, what happens when homosexuals unite? Either we have two RECEPTIVE people or two GIVERS. They are identical, what are you supposed to do with them? Come up with artificial ways of ‘arousing’ oneself or the other. Thus provokes the question, is it really love? No children can come of a homosexual union… they have to go outside the relationship in order to bring children into the ‘family’. If homosexual unions were natural, why can’t they reproduce? (This is a more difficult point to argue… if you don’t feel comfortable with it, don’t use it).

There is also evidence which shows us that there is a correlation between the rise in homosexual activity and the rise in AIDS. The following are websites which show this evidence:

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/archive/ldn/2009/aug/09082609

http://www.avert.org/young-gay-men.htm

http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/homosexuality/ho0075.html

http://cid.oxfordjournals.org/content/17/6/1003.full.pdf

http://fathersforlife.org/dale/aids1.html

There are many more resources; all you have to do is look. If you personally want to do more research, a great website is http://narth.com

They do not associate with any religion or political party; they are simply trying to put the truth out there. They have done extensive research for many years and are doctors and scientists. They offer help to those who do not want to be homosexual. Here is an article on the myths of homosexuality that they wrote:

The Three Myths
About Homosexuality

Myth #1

Homosexuality is normal and biologically determined.

The truth...

There is no scientific research indicating a biological or genetic cause for homosexuality. Biological factors may play a role in the predisposition to homosexuality. However, this is true of many other psychological conditions.

Research suggests that social and psychological factors are strongly influential. Examples include problems in early family relationships, sexual seduction, and sense of inadequacy with same-sex peers, with resulting disturbance in gender identity. Society can also influence a sexually questioning youth when it encourages gay self-labeling.

Myth #2

Homosexuals cannot change, and if they try, they will suffer great emotional distress and become suicidal. Therefore, treatment to change homosexuality must be stopped.

The truth...

Psychotherapists around the world who treat homosexuals report that significant numbers of their clients have experienced substantial healing. Change has come through psychological therapy, spirituality, and ex-gay support groups. Whether leading married or committed celibate lives, many report that their homosexual feelings have diminished greatly, and do not trouble them as much as they had in the past.

The keys to change are desire, persistence, and a willingness to investigate the conscious and unconscious conflicts from which the condition originated. Change comes slowly, usually over several years. Clients learn how to meet their needs for same-sex nurturance and affirmation without eroticizing the relationship. As they grow into their heterosexual potential, men and women typically experience a deeper and fuller sense of themselves as male or female.

If some homosexuals do not wish to change, that is their choice, yet it is profoundly sad that gay-rights activists struggle against the right-to-treatment for other homosexuals who yearn for freedom from their attractions.

Myth #3

We must teach our children that homosexuality is as normal and healthy as heterosexuality. Teenagers should be encouraged to celebrate their same-sex attractions.

The truth...

Scientific research supports age-old cultural norms that homosexuality is not a healthy, natural alternative to heterosexuality. Research shows that gay teens are especially vulnerable to substance abuse and early, high-risk sexual behavior. It does far more harm than good to tell a teenager that his or her attractions toward members of the same sex are normal and desirable. Teens in this position need understanding and counseling, not a push in the direction of a potentially deadly lifestyle.

A 1992 study in Pediatrics found that 25.9% of 12-year-olds are uncertain if they are gay or straight. The teen years are critical to the question of self-labeling, so the facts must be presented in our schools in a fair and balanced manner.

IN CONCLUSION

Hopefully all this info isn’t too overwhelming for you and more helpful. Unfortunately I do not have the space to make my full argument here, but that would definitely be overwhelming. I hope you will take some time to read the websites I quoted and realize that there is solid evidence for my argument. Please don’t forget… I do not write this to condemn. Love the person, not the sin. Love the people who support them and don’t know the truth. They need our love and kindness just as much as we do. God be with you as you discuss this difficult topic.

You Decide

2011-05-08T21:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes God is silent. When you are trying to make a big decision because He has given you the tools you need to make the decision without having to wait for an answer from Him, can be one of those times. He's not going to tell you how to make every move your whole life. He has given you tools to know your heart, know the difference between right and wrong, and to choose. There are times when He has a definite choice He wants you will make, but other times, He leaves it entirely up to you to decide what is best. Sometimes the things you have to choose, don't feel right or don't make any sense in the moment but later you realize there was a very good reason for that decision. When it doesn't make sense, it is often painful... You have to remind yourself constantly why you made the decision in the first place.

This is what I have been going through. I had to choose something that was the opposite of what I originally thought I wanted. But I made the decision anyway. It's a constant emotional battle now. Did I make the right decision? Yes. Do I feel like it? No. Hurting another person causes me great pain, but it's not just that this time... I wish I could put into words how the decision has affected me... It's worse... more painful than anything I've ever felt in the past. I want to hold on, to reverse the decision, and I want to let go and just TRUST in God.

Feelings are deceptive, especially when you don't know what to do with them. I can honestly say there is not much advice I can offer in this case, except to pray constantly. Don't let yourself become numb to what you feel, and turn what you feel into a prayer, a cry to God. In the past, I would let myself become numb when I was in pain and eventually, I didn't feel hardly anything at all, save the emptiness inside. Personally, I choose to feel every ounce of pain rather than the emptiness which comes from numbing. The pain makes me feel alive, human.

Here is a method of prayer I found that I am attempting to deal with the pain and seek healing: http://www.chastitysf.com/healing.htm

Giving the Pain to God

Pray, therefore, that the healing process will happen within you. But pray for it specifically:

• Ask God that you will be enlightened.

• Ask God for the courage to see the truth of your life, especially its ugly and embarrassing resentments and temptations.

• Ask God for the strength to not flinch from the pain.

• Ask God that everything you do will be directed to your purification.

Then, all it takes to give the pain to God is to work through four successive phases of understanding whenever you feel hurt.

God bless you all!

Your Way

2011-02-27T14:24:00.001-08:00

I walk this road alone, cut deep by the knife of life. I choose to live this way, to cause my own suffering. I don't have to, but somehow, I have convinced myself that this is the way You would want it. That somehow, this sacrifice of mine will get me to You. But it won't. Am I still sabotaging myself? Lord, what are you going to do with me? There are so many things I try to do on my own, so many ways I try to prepare myself. It is all for naught. What You ask of me is simple, made just for me. All my own efforts are fruitless and often take me further from You. I have discovered the path which You ask all of us to travel, yet manage to get off it because I think I know a better way, a "short-cut" you might say. Who made me god? And what makes me think that I can figure out a way to You better than You can lead me to the One Way You have already established?

Frequent the sacraments
1. Mass
2. Confession
Pray
Read The Word

It's all there, laid out like a map. However, none of this matters if it is not approached with an open heart. Opening your heart to the Lord is not easy. I always feel that, when I put my heart out there, I am about to get hurt. With man (humanity), that is true, due to the fall of man, we often hurt each other when we lay our hearts out. But God won't hurt us, ever. That being said, we must invite the Lord into our hearts, to see the ugliness of our souls. We must choose to allow Him to enter in, otherwise, He will always remain knocking on the outside. He waits for us, longs for us, loves us. Jesus wants to heal our ugliness and make us beautiful.

So make the decision today to open your heart to the Lord. Tell Him you want Him in your heart and life. Jesus will pour out His Grace and Strength to see you through, no matter how difficult your life may seem. He stands by us, holds and comforts us, leads us to victory. If you choose to open your heart to Him, remember... Jesus wins in the end! Give your heart to Him and you join the winning team!

Novena to have an open heart to the Lord:

Lord work on my heart
until it becomes like your Sacred Heart.
Give me hope.
Then I can love you and all my sisters and brothers
with the respect, compassion, and forgiveness
that you have for everyone. I ask this in your name. Amen.

I ask you to grant my special request during this novena:
( - make your intention here - ) .

If what I ask is not for my own good
and the good of others,
grant me what will most help
to build up your kingdom of justice, love and peace.
I make this prayer with confidence in your love.
Amen

Post-Desert Life

2011-01-13T22:45:00.000-08:00

I never realized how protected I would be by consciously choosing to enter into the desert. I went deeper and deeper into to prayer, and my time in Adoration became more intimate and meaningful.

For the better part of the last 3.5 years I have struggled with reading the Bible, praying on a regular basis, and trusting God in all things... even as He was drawing me closer to Him every day. For those of you who are just beginning this journey, learning to have faith in God, believe me when I say I know how hard it is, but if you are vigilant... every moment is worth it. All the pain, suffering, joys, sorrows, laughter, successes, tears, loneliness.... every emotion you could possibly imagine. This journey is worth it!!!

So I just got back from taking the second TOB II course in PA with Christopher West as my instructor. Let me tell you, it was amazing!

While I was in the desert, I felt as if God were preparing me for something great. I didn't know for sure what that 'great' thing was, but I knew it was coming. The Lord spoke some incredible things to me the Sunday prior to Christmas, and then, two days later, He called me out of the desert. I think I was a bit shell-shocked. Then, on New Year's Day, I flew out to PA for the class/retreat.

The Lord was taking me deeper, into a more intimate relationship with Him. He helped me to get to know my Mother a little better. I met some of the most incredible people in the world (love you guys!!). But most important, He healed me. There was a wound, so deep within me that was reaching every corner of my life and stained it all black. It was ugly, but it wasn't me. And the Lord took it away, cleaning the wound ever so carefully and planted something beautiful in it's place... Me.

I have learned that we humans are desiring beings, that my desires are good, but have been twisted by the lies this world offers. If I take my desires to the foot of the cross, I will discover my true desires, in all their goodness, truth, and beauty. I also began learning true humility. Acknowledging the gifts I have been given and thanking God for them.

I know this blog was all over the place, but I have so much to tell and so little time! If you have any questions for me, please comment and I will try to answer it in another blog. Thank you for reading!

Into the Desert: In Adoration

2010-10-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

Be still my heart, be silent. Quiet you, mind. You will only be restless until you rest in Him. You will be held captive, unless you let Him set you free. You will remain a sinner until you let Him make you a saint. Put aside the worries of the day, empty your burden into the hands of our Lord. Wipe the tears from my face... dwell in me, have Your way with me.

Oh that we could only recognize the mystery, the unique opportunity we have in Adoration. To be in Your presence! Praise Jesus who bridged the gap, who tore the veil... So that we could experience You! This is where I find my ecstasy... completely consumed by Jesus Christ; completely consumed by His unfailing Love.

This is the moment, this is the time. Set my heart on fire, let it burn only for You. Ecstasy!

(Here is the dictionary definition of ecstasy: 1. Intense joy or delight. 2. A state of emotion so intense that one is carried beyond rational thought and self-control: an ecstasy of rage. 3. The trance, frenzy, or rapture associated with mystic or prophetic exaltation.)

This is what I experience when I am on my knees, intensely praying before our Lord in Adoration. Ecstasy!!! Oh... what love He pours out, this great Lover of my Soul. The Only Lover of my Soul.

Who needs drugs (including 'ecstasy'), alcohol, cigarettes, sex, etc... when this ecstasy that I experience... when we are ALL created to experience this kind of union with our Creator? We are all called, but few respond. If only they knew... if only they realized that they would wake up without a hangover, sickness, death, or a broken heart... If only they knew that they could wake up with joy, knowing they are fulfilled by union with Jesus! If only....

Into the Desert: Who Am I?

2010-10-14T23:20:00.000-07:00

The other night, as I was kicking myself for all the times I repeat sins that I want to be free of, I realized something.... Abouna actually has the credit for this idea in my head, and that is this:

Some of my gravest sins are committed with that which is meant to be my greatest gifts from God. In other words, I don't know how to use the gifts God has given me yet, the only thing I know about them is what I've been taught by the world. Therefore, the only thing I can do with my gifts is misuse them. If that makes any sense.

As a result: I am a complete and utter disaster! My idea of my gifts are a mess; twisted so much that I cannot even recognize them. I am not me, I am not free. Then to top it off, when I realize what is going on, I go to confession, get rid of the sin, and then noncommittally tell the Lord I'll do better next time. That's when I need to read and pay attention to Luke 11:24-26 (Read it!). The demons which dwelt within me leave, and upon finding no place to rest, it returns and finds the place (me) clean and brings seven more that are stronger to dwell there.

This brings an attitude. A bad one too. "I can't do it!" Like a little kid I cry to God. But you know what? He believes in me. He TRUSTS me. He trusts that I will do the right thing because He knows I CAN. That is the Truth. Now I just have to learn to accept it.... And that's a completely different story.

Into the Desert: October

2010-10-07T23:15:00.000-07:00

In the last several years, I've realized that October is a difficult month for me. Perhaps it is because of the changing seasons, warm summers shifting to cool, and sometimes wet, autumns. Often, I find myself running from the inevitable: Summer's end. It's my favorite season of the year, although I like the other three seasons almost as well. Perhaps though, it is more spiritual. In the summer, I rejoice in the sunshine and warm weather. When autumn arrives, however, I welcome it with much less enthusiasm, I am less thankful. Even depressed. Throw into the mix making some tough (and painful) decisions, and Elizabeth is a mess... Thank God for His grace and mercy.

What does this have to do with my journey into the desert? I don't know. Honestly, I'm searching for answers just as much as the rest of you. And funny how, as I type this, the very words I am writing are playing in a song immediately after I type each word. "I'll stop searching for the answers, I'll stop praying for an escape, and I'll trust You God with where I am and believe that You will have Your way" (Britt Nicole). Good song; fully expresses where I am and how I'm feeling right now. God speaks to me through songs a lot.

Guess God is asking (reminding) me to trust Him. It's hard sometimes, you know? Putting my life into the hands of Someone we can't physically see... I mean, we can see signs of Him in all of His creation, especially in each other. So... I guess I'll ask God to carry me through this difficult month and help, rather, teach me to trust Him.

Into the Desert: Loving God

2010-09-06T23:46:00.000-07:00

I went to California for a wedding, rather, the wedding of two of my dearest of friends. While there, I had a conversation with the bride-to-be's aunt about God's love for us. What she said was so simple, so true, and so obvious that it should not have been profound if I had realized it myself. But I didn't. She said, "God wants us to love Him for who He is." That's it. So simple, yet so profound. It's no wonder we have such a difficult time understanding God when we don't take the time to get to know Him.

So how can we get to know Him to love Him? Well, as a devout Catholic, there are two concrete ways. One is reading the Word, the other is receiving the Eucharist. Both need to be supplemented with prayer. This is what I have been thinking and praying about over the last couple of days and I will continue to meditate on it for some time.

Don't let me forget to tell you about sinning against the Holy Spirit in my next blog. I pray God's blessing on all of you and that hopefully, God is using me to reach you. My heart burns for yours.

Into the Desert: A Divine Romance

2010-08-26T20:51:00.000-07:00

The following is what I wrote in my journal today. I wanted to share it with you so that you can see how amazing the desert actually is and hopefully, desire to go there yourselves. Just remember, all our journeys are different, so don't expect what I'm experiencing, to happen to you too.

(Just a note: When I write, it is usually a conversation, so I will refer to God as You.)

I took another step into the desert and this is what I saw: You standing, waiting for me, ever so patiently. You took me by the hand, which I offered gingerly; then swept me off my feet, unexpectedly. We walked through the rain. I laughed as You carried me, clinging round Your neck. Surrounding us, I saw a narrow path through green... trees, grass, colorful little flowers dotting a field of green with the bright sun in the blue sky. I didn't see a desert at all as You spun me around, still in Your arms. At last You set me down, but never left my side, arm around my shoulders, walking in stride. I questioned why I did not see the desert and this is what You said, "My desert does not look like yours, I ravish you instead. It is My time to be with you, to romance you if you wish, but you must listen to Me, My bride. Silence and prayer will be your guide, as well as My Word and Flesh. Will you go deeper with Me now? Deeper than before?"

Tears of joy ran down my face as I realized that submitting myself to His love and receiving His grace are only difficult when I make it that way. "Yes." I replied, how could I say 'no'? He is the lover I have always wanted, always needed and has always been right in front of me. To deny Him would be a denial of myself and who I am; a beautifully created daughter of God.

To be romanced by Him would be divine! How can I say no? I was happy and at peace with Him in that moment in the "desert", if I let Him more often, would I not have even greater joy and peace? No, I cannot say no. So You'll hear me say, "Lord, have Your way with me. Penetrate my soul."

Into the Desert: Beginning the Journey

2010-08-26T20:06:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been called into the desert by God? It's kind of intimidating. I've heard the call more than once, but have pretty much run from it every time. The last time I heard the call was different. I was in Mass, on my knees in prayer when I heard a nearly audible "GO". I was like, go where? Then I saw it, in my mind. A narrow pathway leading straight into the desert (insert dramatic music here). That was on August 1st. Since then I have started, stopped, started again, run away, crawled back.... Wonder if I'll ever figure this out??

I started out asking the Lord to help me to accept His love, which I was having a really difficult time doing. Last Sunday, however, I had a divine revelation (yes!), it is not so much accepting as it is submitting. Since this realization, I have had a bit easier time accepting God's love for me, though it's still a challenge.

The first week, I laid out a plan to aid me in my journey. The following is a list of steps I'm taking to try to get to and stay in the desert with the Lord until... whenever. ;)

1. Attend Mass regularly. This does not mean just on Sunday. I try to go ever Monday and Tuesday, and hopefully Wednesday or Friday if I can.

2. Go to Adoration. I am trying to do this every Thursday after work, but sometimes I forget and get home before I remember. Perhaps it would be good to choose at least one other day of the week to go as well.

3. Read the Bible. This is hard. I don't read it enough. I'm starting with the goal of reading it once a week, and that doesn't include hearing the readings at Mass.

4. Read other literature that will assist me on my journey. I'm currently reading "The Road Less Traveled", "Deep Conversion Deep Prayer" and "Living Your Strengths". The second book has been the most helpful by far.

And finally...
5. Spend at least 15 minutes a day in prayer. I'm actually aiming for an hour, but if I don't make it, then I get discouraged and feel like I'm not making any progress. So 15 minutes is a little more attainable for me.

In my next blog, I will talk about my experience in the desert and hopefully it will encourage you to go into the desert as well. As my priest says, the Lord will ravish you in the desert. (Definition of ravish: To overwhelm with emotion; enrapture).

Coming Back

2010-07-01T23:17:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? When I started this blog over a year ago, I was so sure that I would write more. But it's been a difficult year, between work, a relationship, and changing living situations. I had little spare time to actually do anything and when I finally did have free time, I felt too tired and unmotivated, not to mention I had no energy to think and I didn't spend much time in silence just listening.

So... now that I do have time, and more rest, and feel better overall... I feel my muse coming back, slowly, but enough to the point where, if I don't start writing again, I'm going to explode! ;) Anyway... now that I've spent nearly two paragraphs talking about unimportant things, I'll get to my point, thoughts from this evening.

Have you ever seen the move "P.S. I Love You"? Despite a couple of suggestive scenes, some inappropriate language, and kissing seems to be nonchalant, it's message holds real weight in our lives. If you have not yet seen it, watch it before reading the rest of this blog unless you don't mind me spoiling the 'surprise' in the movie. Last chance.... it's really worth watching.

The movie is about a young married couple who, though they are going through some hard times, are very much in love with one another. Then, the unimaginable happens, one of them dies. As one may expect, the spouse left behind goes through a very difficult time, searching for answers. I watched this movie tonight, not knowing anything about it, not knowing that it was about a loved one dying. I have never lost a loved one, but I have a friend who is losing a loved one right now.

As I reflected on what I saw in the movie and what my friend is going through, I realized I haven't the slightest idea what it would be like to watch someone I love so much, leave this life. (I must mention here that I work in a retirement home and I hear about death all the time, only once have I actually touched a body after death). What would I do, how would I react if I lost someone I loved? Would I stay strong? Would I fall to pieces? Would be mad at God, asking Him how could allow such an "awful" thing to happen? Would I scream or seclude myself? Would I turn to someone for support or act irrational? Or would I cry my tears and, after wiping them away, recognize that everything happens for a reason?

It makes me want to appreciate every day, every person, every gift, and blessing that God has given me. It makes me want to live my life to the fullest, so that, no matter when it is my time to say goodbye to to someone that I love or this world, I will be at peace, knowing that I loved and allowed the Lord to make me into the woman He created me to be. I thank God for YOU.

"For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain" - St. Paul - Phil 1:21

God Bless you all my brothers and sisters in Christ!

Let the Waters Rise

2010-04-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

Oh Lord, You have asked me to walk on water, to trust You so much that I can do whatever it is that You ask me to. Though it is hard, I will say yes, I will follow You.

It has been just over two weeks since my world turned upside-down (or so it seemed). The humility I felt, the pain it caused, tears and heart-breaking. Feeling like I've failed, like it's the end of the world and people will look at me differently, knowing certain people are disappointed in me and perhaps don't trust me. I can hardly bear it.

Through it all, the good friends, kind words and hugs, and a song, a song just for me, helped me. The night this happened, as I drove to Adoration after Mass, I cried out to the Lord and said to Him, "Lord sometimes you speak to me through songs, please give me a song when I turn on the radio." Here's what I heard:

I know You've heard it before
That I'm standing in the rain
And I can't take much more of this.
I know there is purpose in the pain,
I know there will be a brighter day,
But I can't take much more of this.
If there is redemption from this mess
I need You to show me.

I'm gonna stay here in this place, as long as it takes.
I want You to hear me say,
oh Lord have Your way.
Even if You take me through pain
to make me more like You,
I'll stay, I'll stay, as long as it takes.

Same old question I keep asking:
Should I give up?
And then I remember my destiny:
I am an alien here in an unkind world
And I'm getting ready for eternity.
You are my refuge from the storm,
You are enough for me.

I'm gonna stay here in this place, as long as it takes.
I want You to hear me say,
oh Lord have Your way.
Even if You take me through pain
to make me more like You,
I'll stay, I'll stay, as long as it takes.

Even though my tears keep falling,
I know it's in this place that You'll change me.
I know You want to rearrange me.
Oh God I need Your strength to stay.

I'm gonna stay here in this place, as long as it takes.
I want You to hear me say, oh Lord have Your way.
Even if You take me through pain
to make me more like You,
I'll stay, I'll stay, as long as it takes.

As Long As It Takes - Dorothy Savage

Talk about describing right where I'm at! So Lord, I'll stay, as long as it takes.

As time goes on, I see God working more and more in my life. I see His mercy and redemption. Even now, as I face more trials and feel like my life is totally out of control and out of my hands, He is with me. Jesus is on His knees, at my feet, washing them as He did for His disciples, asking me, "What can I do for you?"

Jesus lived to serve us. How crazy is that?! Our God wants to serve us! Why? Because He loves you and me more than we can fathom! This is His mercy, that no matter how much we fail, He loves us so much that He will do anything to be with us.

Lord, I praise and thank You always for Your mercy and grace. I thank You for loving me so much that You will never allow me to walk alone. Now I cannot help but say, "Jesus, I trust in You."

The Lie

2010-03-06T19:31:00.000-08:00

Last week, a Priest helped me to identify the source, or spring, which feeds all my sins. He did not know where this source came from except that it was some lie that I had believed when I was younger and has convinced me that I am that type of person, whatever that type is.

Last night, I realized what the lie was and is. It has been alive in me for more than a decade, if not nearly two decades. I am finally set free from this lie! I have named it and told it the truth, the Truth of the Word of God. I am FREE!!! :)

What is the source of your sin? Has someone important in your life decided that you were a certain way when you were young and you believed it? Not knowing that there could be more beyond what you have been told, you (like me) continue living your life after that point believing and living as if what you were told is absolute, unchangeable 'truth'. Maybe you've even told you're friends "Well this is the way I am so you better accept me as I am or you aren't my friend". Did you ever think that just maybe, it isn't true?

I know, you're whole world is caving in around you right now. I know what you're thinking... Here is a 27 year old girl telling me that after nearly two decades of struggle, she is finally figuring out who she really is for the first time. Wonder what I have to look forward to in my life... What am I supposed to do about it?

Well Christian, let me ask you this: How much do you really desire to know yourself? Not at all? A little? A lot? Completely? If you are at all uncertain whether you really want to know, you must pray. Ask God if He wants to reveal to you anything you don't know about yourself or something that you believe is you but really is something else. Don't give up. He will answer in His time. If you don't believe, pray for faith. It's worked for me during two completely different times in my life (including right now).

If you are certain you really want to know, you must pray. Ask God to make you into the man or woman that you were created to be. I warn you, He will answer you're prayer. And sometimes, it is painful. You will want to run. But I urge you, keep going Christian. After the pain, there is great healing and joy waiting for you. If you keep going, it will be a victory at the end, not emptiness. You will be given the strength to endure. You will be given the grace to conquer whatever comes into your path. But remember, pray always.

When your walk in life gets tough, remember one of the greatest saints we know. St. John Vianney was a less-than ordinary man. He was not very bright, but God still called him to the priesthood. He battled Satan his whole life. His was Thwarted over and over again. Yet, he prayed to God, most humbly, knowing his shortcomings and surrendering his life always for the souls of his children (the people of his parish). At the end of his life, the devil was conquered and thus God saved him and many others whose lives were transformed by St. Vianney's devotion to God and His people.

Brothers and sisters, I hope that I can be a source of encouragement for in this walk of life. I know the struggle, I know what it feels like to be knocked down and give up. Don't do it! Get back up! Let the Lord reach down and pick you up and dust you off. Accept the strength and grace He wants to give you, freely.

Then, and only then, my brothers and sisters, can you be set free. Join me in the most incredible freedom, the only freedom we can ever truly gain; through our Lord Jesus Christ who died and rose again, for YOU.

Let the Healing Begin

2010-02-24T12:34:00.000-08:00

It's been quite some time since my last blog because of the Holidays, which seemed busier than years past. I had some time to reflect a lot more on my vacation in January than in the last several months (though it still wasn't nearly enough). The last blog I wrote conveyed the struggles that I was going through and the loneliness and pain I felt after ending a difficult relationship. So much has changed since then. Over the last several months, I have sought healing for the brokenness in my life.

My dearest brothers and sisters, I cannot emphasize enough what a difference this has made in my life. I encourage you to seek healing in your lives, the Lord wants to heal you! He created you to be whole, united with Him through every moment of your life. Do not hold on to the pain inflicted upon you, as if you deserve it. By doing so, you are telling God that you know better than He does what is best for you, and you will remain broken and separated from God. You were not created as a joke, some 'thing' that God plays with and enjoys watching suffer. God created us in love and to love. He knows and loves YOU.

How do you find healing? Through the Sacraments. Go to confession and Mass often! When you go to confession, really reflect on your life and use an examination of conscience to guide you to the areas in your life where you crucify Christ. When you go to Mass, pray beforehand and prepare yourself to receive the body of your Savior.

Something that has helped me is meeting with some people who are actually trained to do healing prayer over people. If you do this, make sure that the person or people you go to, have been trained! They can't help you if they haven't. I would also encourage you to get a Spiritual Director (again, someone who has had training).

We were not meant to walk this road alone, nor are we meant to remain broken by everything from our pasts. If you desire a better life, and a better world, pray the following prayer and seek healing:

"Dear Lord, let it begin with me. Amen."

Blessings.

Uniting With Christ

2009-11-27T23:10:00.000-08:00

Lately, I have been unable to sleep very well. I lay in bed for hours, a million things on my mind, keeping me awake. Or so I thought. It dawned on me that God may be trying to get my attention and I just ignored it. I think I will need to back up and explain a little bit more.

I went to a Healing Mass just a couple of weeks ago and when the Priest began praying over me, he told me some very specific things about my life, thoughts and feelings. He talked about my loneliness and pain, how I was hurt at a very young age (just an emotional wound), and how I want to be loved for my mind and heart and not my physical beauty, among many other things.

Some of the loneliness comes from desiring married life and realizing that, at the age of 27, I'm not getting any younger (haha). It's painful, you know? Have any of you ever felt this way? You desire a spouse to love and children to raise so much that it physically hurts? I'm not bringing this up so that you can pity me... No. My purpose is to share with you what I have learned through that pain.

More and more I have felt the need to offer up all my suffering for those I love and those who don't know the secret to my strength to endure this pain and carry on. But I haven't been very diligent (working on it...) and I haven't been certain of that being the end of what I am to do. This morning I got my answer.

Because of the Healing Mass a couple of weeks back, my parents now know of my struggles and they pray and worry (hopefully they pray more than they worry). Well, I spent the last two nights at my parents' house for Thanksgiving and this morning as I was getting ready to leave for work, my father approached me. He told me that he prays for me and that he felt like God was saying that what He wants is for me to unite my suffering with the Passion of our Blessed Savior.

Ouch. Ok... it's not like I don't want to do this, but I know it is going to be an extremely painful and difficult battle. The Lord gives me strength even though my flesh is weak. I ask for your prayers and I want all of my readers to know that you will be in my prayers too. God Bless you all.

Let us pray:

Passion of Christ, Strengthen Me

Passion of Christ, strengthen me! Strengthen me under the pressure of temptation. Strengthen me when principle is at stake. Strengthen me to do Your Will, My God. Strengthen me in moments of suffering, in times of loneliness, in periods of depression. Strengthen me that I may never swerve from You, dear Christ, nor weaken through human respect, through a desire to be popular, through hope of social distinction. Strengthen me to accept my cross and carry it generously to the end. On the battlefield of life, stand by me that I may never prove a traitor in the ranks. Stand by me that I may not be dazzled by the glitter and glow of the enemy camp.
Amen.

The Road Less Traveled

2009-11-05T22:55:00.000-08:00

You know the saying, "With great power comes great responsibility"? I think it comes from Luke 12:48 - "So then, of all to whom much has been given, much will be required. And of those to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be asked."

I was pondering this very idea as I attempted to have a nice, quiet evening, just reading a good book. But my mind would not have it. Too many thoughts were vying for my attention.

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at myself. I wondered what I would look like when I'm not so young anymore, when gray overtakes my chocolate curls, and wrinkles replace my smooth skin. Will I have a furrowed brow from worry and distress? I know this all sounds random, but it is relevant, I promise.

"...of all to whom much has been given, much will be required". I know that I have been called to a life that is more than normal. Sometimes I wish I could live a 'normal' life. But I think that with all the responsibility I wouldn't have to have, I would miss the abundant blessings God wants to bestow upon me for continually striving to walk with Him.

It is a hard road. One wrought with pain, loneliness, suffering, heavy burdens, stress, the weight of the world, sometimes hopelessness. However, I believe that because I feel these things, I also feel the opposites with much more vibrancy. I feel the love of good family and friends, hope, joy, passion, victory, and healing.

I look at the people around me, many refusing to walk this road because it is 'uncool' or believing in God is dumb, it's for losers who have nothing better to do with their lives. This road is a challenge, it is not for the weak of heart. Belief in a seemingly intangible God is asking more than most people can imagine. But when He becomes real, you won't have to imagine. You will discover that God is already living in you, He's just waiting for an invitation to be a part of your life.

I wonder if, because I walk this road, I will have more stress lines and gray hairs than the average person. It will all be worth it in the end.

Nothing..... but Love

2009-10-13T23:29:00.000-07:00

Right now I am in a study group that is going through JPII's "Man and Woman He Created Them: A Theology of the Body". During our last study group, we discussed the concept of God creating man. The following was what we found:

As many of you know, 1 Cor. 13 is known as the Love Chapter. You know: "Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous..." But often we skip the first part of that chapter, verses 1-3. Take a moment to read those verses now before continuing to read.

Did you read the part about how we are nothing if we do not have love? More importantly, did you understand it?

The reason we must have love is because that is how we were created. God didn't take a bunch of stuff, threw it in a pot, stirred every 2 minutes until done, and then called it "Man". What He did do is take a bunch of dust to give us form, but we could not exist merely through dust (which really is nothing on it's own, if you think about it). We were created, given life, with nothing that we can fathom. Now by definition, giving cannot refer to nothing. Giving must define the giver (God), the receiver (us), and the relation established between them (we are created and loved by God and in return, love Him back).

Does it make a little bit of sense now? If we have love in our hearts, it shines through because that is what we are made of. People can see God in us if we love, it is the gift. Did you know that we are the only ones granted this gift? "Man" (humans) is the only species on the planet that can love and be loved. Isn't that incredible and amazing?!

Today, instead of grumbling and complaining, LOVE somebody. This world is crying out for love, even me, even you. It's not easy to love always, but it's so incredibly worth it.

Love isn't love until you give it away.

A Forgiving Heart

2009-10-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have realized that I have been going to confession more frequently. Usually once a week but sometimes twice in one week. The more I go, the more I realize I have to confess. There is a war going on right now for my soul. Each time I give in to sin, that is one battle lost. Each time I overcome a sin, it is a battle won.

One of the things I struggle with very often is forgiveness. Don't worry, it's no secret I keep just in the confession booth, a few friends and family members know this as well. I used to believe that to forgive someone, meant I had to love them. The thing is, I have it all backwards. Forgiveness is a gift I give to myself. By forgiving, I receive the grace to love that person.

But, it doesn't mean I have to like them. I am not required to like the man who hurt me, the friend who betrayed me, nor the stranger who whispers rumors about me in the halls. Nor I am required or expected to forget, the memories of pain do fade with time but may never be forgotten. I am, however, required to treat each person as Christ would, with kindness. It's a difficult lesson to learn and a trial to put into practice. Especially when a person has hurt you deeply with physical, verbal, or sexual abuse. In fact, the loving thing for any person who is being abused in any manner, is to leave. God wants us to love and take care of ourselves too, however not to the point where we become vain, for that is a sin. By staying in an abusive relationship, people hurt themselves and unfortunately do not love themselves either.

Forgiving is letting go so that I (or you) can move forward in life and grow in relationship with Jesus Christ, our Redeemer. Guess what? I'm afraid to do that because I don't want, ever again, to like the people who have hurt me at any point in my life. And I most certainly don't feel like being nice to them. It is totally normal for a person to feel this way. Nevertheless, it is not good for our souls. If we hold on to that pain which has been inflicted upon us, it hurts us more than the other person. The only way to hurt less is to let go.

Honestly, this isn't easy for me. I think that somewhere, deep down inside, I feel that I can punish the person for hurting me by holding onto the pain. Silly me. I have to try to forgive others daily until I feel that I have finally let go of the pain they caused, and sometimes it comes back, so I have to try to forgive again. That can take a few days, months, or even years. Yet, with all this struggle to forgive, comes healing. The grace that covers me because I choose to forgive, helps me to love.

So, how does one forgive? Prayer and a conscious effort to let go. I found the following prayer both at Catholic.org and faithfulcatholicfriends.org

To Forgive: Prayer for the Strength to Forgive

Faultless Lord, enduring death for me,
You have consummated the debt of my sins:
Your sacrifice of forgiveness was absolute!
Grant me the strength to also forgive others,
To excuse their transgressions against me.
So I may truly reflect this spiritual fruit,
Obliterate any persistent feelings of malice.
Let each trespass end as a closing chapter,
My continuing on the road of righteousness.
Forgive my sins as I aspire to forgive others.
You are truly archetypical of forgiveness.
You are a most forgiving Lord

Amen

Romancing My Soul

2009-09-28T09:34:00.000-07:00

Have you ever allowed God to romance you?

This isn't just for girls, but guys are usually romanced by God in a different way. So please keep in mind that this is from a woman's perspective.

Let me tell you, allowing God to romance you takes a lot of time and effort, just like any other relationship. It also requires trust. I am by no means perfect. I fail every day. But since my last blog, in which I wrote about my discovery of my true self, I have had the burning desire to not be the selfish me that I have been. I now desire, more than anything, to be Holy and humble.

He tries to reach out to us when we are hurting, happy, sad, angry, rejoicing, broken, scared, and all the in between moments. In those moments, if we let Him be our Savior, He will bless us. Maybe not in the way we expected, or even wanted, but it will be something greater, if we let Him. And He may also use those moments to romance you. You know that saying "Stop and smell the roses"? Well, when God romances you, He wants to you to stop, even for but a moment to glory in that thing, whether great or small, that He did, just for YOU.

He speaks to me
in a whisper,
Romancing my Soul
like no other.
In Him, I have peace
when I trust in His love
He guides me with strength;
He is my warrior.
Gentle is His touch,
deep is His love
He pursues me with vigor,
and relentless love.
Never will He let me go
and forever
will He romance my Soul.

by Elizabeth Dorthalina

Letting Go

2009-08-29T22:13:00.000-07:00

It's tough, I know. Searching your Soul for the things which stain it, causing it to rot and ruin your life, is painful. And giving those things to God, willingly, is even more painful.

I'm sitting here, only two days into the painful process of searching my unconscious for things which prevent me from moving forward. I am realizing just how difficult I've made it to trust God in my life. I put up barriers and walls, all the while thinking that I am trying my hardest to surrender my life "fully". It's prevented me from having the kind of relationships I want with my parents, siblings, friends, and even men whom I have considered for marriage.

I'm listening to a song on the radio and the lyrics are "If you gotta start somewhere, why not here? If you gotta start sometime, why not now? If we gotta start somewhere, I say here. If we gotta start sometime, I say now." (City On Our Knees - Toby Mac)

I agree, why not here and now? My prayer is that, those of you who read the following will be challenged to go beyond your comfort zones so that you may serve God fully as I know I will be capable of once I walk through the fire.

The walls which hold me prisoner in the subconsciousness of my mind, were revealed to me only two days ago. When I realized it was the truth about my life, I was devastated. How can I fully serve the Lord in this state of mind? I cannot. I must do something about it. What I need is healing. This unforgiving heart has held me back for far too long, most of my life that I remember. I am beginning the process on my own until I find someone like a priest who councils people with similar situations. So, yesterday I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament and began to pray.

Our prayers must always begin with praise; glorifying the God who gave us life. Then we must consciously choose to give the life He gave us, back to Him as gift. This is hard. Sometimes it requires giving God the things we don't want Him to see, even the things we don't want to see in ourselves. We must lay down our pride, our desires, our demise. We have to be ready now to see it God's way, as Jeremy Camp sings in "Lay Down My Pride". We have to stop being selfish and humble ourselves at the feet of the God who saves. It feels like purging the body of all the blackness within and it is physically painful.

With tears streaming down my face, I cried out to God, struggling to make myself a gift to Him.

Ok, this is definitely the night of "songs which speak to Elizabeth." There's a song by Hawk Nelson called "Let's Dance". It says, "I don't want to look inside myself cuz then I'll have to change something else. No, I don't want to live like someone else, I'm happy in my skin, me and myself, let's dance." This song expresses perfectly, the struggle I, and many others, go through every day. I don't want to look inside because I fear having to change and I'm comfortable with this "me and myself dance".

So I choose to give God all this within me, all that is under the surface and I could not see for myself until someone else opened my eyes. It's going to take time, effort, sweat and tears. It is painful, but I want more. I need to feel that pain, so I know I am not numb or dead. The pain is purifying fire. I want to give more of myself to God so that He may heal me. He is my Hero who will save me from myself if I choose to let Him. Let us pray:

Dear Lord,
Thank You for being my Savior and God,
Thank You for setting me free from these chains
With this freedom, I choose to serve You
It is for Your glory and not my own.
This will be a great struggle
But I know You are with me each step of the way
Thank You for not letting me go during this time
As I walk through the purifying fires
Thank You Father, for Your unconditional love and forgiveness
And help me Daddy, to be more like You.
Because I want to be Holy, just like You.
Amen.

So Much Evil in the World

2009-07-11T15:46:00.000-07:00

So often I hear people ask the question, "How can there be a God?" or "How could He care about us since there are so many bad things in this world?"

With the way the world is going, I'm not surprised in the least that people ask these questions, but oh... how my heart breaks when I hear those words! I'm sure many of you have had that very question asked of you or maybe, you are the one asking the question. Where do you go for answers? It seems that every where one turns, someone has their "own" solution: "What is good for you may not be good for me. What you believe is good for you is your truth."

There's a song I hear on the radio quite frequently called, "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath. It is an incredible song in which the Heath cries out to our Maker to reveal to him the brokenness of the world and a call to reach out with His love for all of mankind. This kind of love takes great sacrifice because it requires us to step out of our comfort zone and be selfless. Now, before I get too far ahead of myself, we must search out the heart of the problem. How did we get here? Why does it seem as if we are surrounded by 'bad things'? Why do bad things happen to good people? "...but in the beginning, it was not so." It was not until the fall of man (not to be confused with the male gender, rather humanity) that 'bad' things began to happen.

Now, many people would argue that, because we Christians believe in God, that we would not be subjected to the same evil, pain and suffering the rest of the world must face for their 'unbelief', if this God is really real. That is a subjective view of God, which many people have because, as humans, we have the tendency to limit God. One thing that people often misunderstand when it comes to knowing God, they think He must be some sort of dictator or authoritarian parent. Our God is actually quite the opposite. He is authoritative - I use this word loosely, as God cannot be bound by one title or concept, this is simply a metaphor. He is a loving God; who knows that if He made our choices for us, we would be slaves. Therefore, the Father set us free by giving us free will. Free will is God's way of allowing us to follow the call, His perfect will for our lives. When we choose that life, no amount of pain, suffering, or evil will be allowed to destroy us if we persevere. This does not mean that we receive "immunity" from it.

Evil, pain, and suffering. These three seeming "bad" circumstances are what cause us to grow and become strengthened in Christ. God allows these to happen so that we will turn our lives to Him more and more each day. He wants a relationship with us and He wants to bless us. God does not desire us to suffer, but wants us to realize that He can bring us the joy, healing, and life through that pain. There is evil in the world; should we not see that its existence is a sure sign that there is good too?

God will one day save us from all this pain and suffering and spare us from evil when we get to Heaven. Until then, we must know what evil is and experience pain so that we may be strengthened and know the sufferings of others and have compassion. Through suffering, God wants us to choose to put our trust and faith in Him instead of relying on ourselves. The only cure for all these "bad" things is Christ Jesus.

Total Surrender

2009-07-09T23:21:00.000-07:00

This is a poem I wrote during a time when God was pulling me out of my darkness, out of a life far away from Him, and calling me to surrender my life to Him. If you intend to share it with others, please give credit where credit is due.

It has been a long dry season
away from You, my God.
A time when I was desperately alone.
That is how I felt.
But You never left my side
Not once, did You let go.
You always hoped for my return
and held me close in the night.
My future was dark,
A shadow cast
I couldn't bear the thought of my past,
Nor a future
With our without You.
I walked away, chose...
Not You; but the world instead.
Shame, guilt, pride.
I surrender all to You now -
I am finally Free!

by Elizabeth Dorthalina

Rules

2009-04-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

I was reading a reflection recently and had a bit of an analogy come into my head. First, here is the reflection I was reading:

"Think of a busy street near you. Now imagine that all rules were taken away from driving on that street. No speed limit, no side you are supposed to drive on, anything goes. Can you see all the danger, confusion and harm that would ensue from a no rules, anything goes street?" (Fr. Amsberry, Daily Lenten Reflections, 2009)

I began to wonder if this concept would work with anything in our world. Let's take plants for instance. There are certain 'rules' which must be followed in order for any plant to grow. Plants need soil, water, air, and sunlight in order to grow. But what if I didn't want to follow those rules? I want to feed my plant pig slop or steak. I don't feel like giving it the amount of light the rules require, I'd rather keep it in my closet. Will it grow? "Well, I think it should because I am feeding it and doing what I want with it." I hear people say things like, "Rules are meant to be broken" or "What works for you doesn't necessarily work for me". Our spiritual lives are like that plant. There is a natural order which must be followed in order for it to grow. It's not a "rule"! As Fr. Amsberry writes:

"This is an analogy for our spiritual lives. If we live an amoral life of no rules and anything goes, confusion and harm will be the fruit of it. When we live a life without God, our spirits fail."

So the next time you encounter a 'rule' that you feel is being imposed upon you, do some research. Is it really a rule? Or is it there to help you and bring forth the greatest good for and in you?

God does not impose rules on us to make us miserable. The closer we get to God through relationship with His Son, the more we can begin to see that these originally perceived "rules" are a way of life and we no longer need the "rules" in order to live. Our lives very naturally go that way. When we stop fighting the "rules" we find that following them is very simple. Pray about it. It could make your life a lot easier; actually it will make it easier. It did with mine. Rebelling against the "rules" is more work than what it takes to learn why we have them.

What does God want us to know about our bodies?

2009-03-26T13:19:00.000-07:00

Somehow, we have come to the conclusion that our bodies are bad, sex is bad, and we are all bad by nature. Where did we go wrong? If you read the Bible from the very beginning, we are good! Check out Genesis 1:26-27, 30-31:

And he said: “Let us make Man to our image and likeness. And let him rule over the fish of the sea, and the flying creatures of the air, and the wild beasts, and the entire earth, and every animal that moves on the earth.” And God created man to his own image; to the image of God he created him; male and female, he created them. And so it became. And God saw everything that he had made. And they were very good.

Do you see the emphasis I added to 'very good'? That is because, with every other creation, God said it was good, but when He finished making man (humanity), He said it was VERY GOOD!

So where did this lie come from? Recently, I saw a video* about the Gnostic gospels. I found it very fascinating when I discovered that these 'gospels' and the religion are the main source of heresy in the Christian church. One such heresy is this very idea that we are all 'bad'. We must reject the body, reject sexuality, reject our very selves! What?!? Do you realize what this means? We are created in the Image and Likeness of God. The Image and Likeness... of GOD. God is good, He is perfect. By rejecting our bodies, sexuality, and our very selves, we are rejecting our Creator! Why would we want to do this?? He is good, He is perfect, and He created us in His Image and Likeness!

Take a look in the mirror today. Ladies, I know it can be especially painful for you. But when you look at yourself, I want you to try to look at yourself through the eyes of God. He created you in His Image and Likeness. Gentleman, I can't pretend to know what you see in the mirror as men, but if it is painful, try to do the same as I have instructed the ladies. But no matter how you look at yourself, look with humility. God created you in His Image and Likeness. How much more beautiful can you get?

You deserve all the love, respect, and dignity that God intended for you. Don't reject it just because the world tells you that are not worth it. I know it can be a challenge, I've believed the lie that I had no value. But God has revealed to me the Truth, the sacrifice He made through His Son is the Truth. And it is this: that we are made for God. Therefore, we have value, we deserve all the love, respect, and dignity we receive from Him. He wants to give us mercy, forgiveness, redemption, fulfillment, and life. All we have to do is want it and ask Him for it!

How much do you want this life?

You are Loved!

*Lost Gospels or False Gospels - The Truth About the "Other Gospels" and Early Christianity with EWTN's Fr. Mitch Pacwa and more.

Defining The Banquet

2009-03-18T22:00:00.000-07:00

The Banquet is the Eternal Consummation of the marriage between Christ and the Church.

Wait, what? What do all those big words mean??

Jameson Taylor* wrote a review on Christopher West's "The Good News about Sex and Marriage" which includes a clear explanation of what The Banquet is:

"To explain, the human person -- including the human body -- has been made in the image of God. As such, the person is a mystery that mirrors the sublime mystery of divine love. In the marital act (and true sex can only really occur within the context of a sacramental marriage) man and wife uniquely [give], receive and [return] God's love in such a way that they share in God's creation of a new human person. The sexual embrace thus images God's love as does no other human act. In recognizing this "nuptial meaning" of the body, we also see that the human body itself is a sacramental sign of God's love. Sex, we might say, is nothing less than a mystical encounter with the divine."

Jameson Taylor is a philosophy professor and author of numerous articles and books, including America's Drug Deal: Vaccines, Abortion, Corruption (forthcoming Requiem Press). For more information see: americasdrugdeal.com

What is the The Banquet?

2009-03-15T16:34:00.000-07:00

The world would have a us believe there are only two kinds of diets when it comes to our sexuality. The world offers the "Fast-food Diet" where you can get as much sex as you want, when you want, where you want and how you want it, with whoever you want.

Our second option is the "Starvation Diet". The world will tell you that this is what the 'religious' people teach. This requires that everyone have an attitude that sex is "bad", our bodies are "bad" and.... "Don't look! Don't look! Must... Not... Sin...".

Both of these options will never fulfill us. The first is overindulging and leaves us believing that we cannot control ourselves. The second rejects the beautiful bodies we are given and tries to smother our God-given sexual desires.

So what do we do??

God offers each and every one of us The Banquet. He and He alone can fulfilled our desires when we bring them to him. God doesn't want us to be eating fast-food all the time, it will make us unhealthy and always craving more. He doesn't want us to starve ourselves either; it too, will make us unhealthy and will deaden our desires.

God gave us our sexual desires! They are GOOD! Our bodies are GOOD! We are inherently GOOD people.

How can we partake in this Banquet? How do we find it?

By accepting God's free and awesome gift of GRACE. We can't earn it. It's FREE. Seek out the Lord today, He wants you to eat from His table and be fulfilled. Only He can fill the emptiness you feel.

Before I begin...

2009-03-13T12:17:00.000-07:00

I would like to dedicate this blog to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and his most Blessed Mother Mary. If it were not for their love and mercy, I would not be writing this blog.

Let us pray,
Heavenly Father, I ask for Your blessing upon this blog which was inspired by You. Father, send Your Holy Spirit to lead and guide the words which will be written in this place, that they only be from You. I pray for the openness of the spirit, mind and body of those who will be reading this. I also ask for the motivation and diligence, which can only be found through You, to write this blog, for you know my short-comings.

My most Blessed Mother, I offer this up to you, that you shower each word with the love of your Son and reveal His love to each person who will enter into this place.

Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hollowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.